What Would Laurence Llewellyn-Bowen Do?

With the construction element of chez Strachan’s bathroom revamp now completed, GJ Strachan’s thoughts have turned to selecting the chamber’s ornamental and pictorial furnishings.

Before proceeding further I’d like to clarify that, despite possibly reading differently, my initial sentence doesn’t mean I couldn’t embark on accessory selection until plumbing’d been concluded and silicon dry.

Yours truly wasn’t adhering to an archaic ‘don’t count your chickens’ edict which decreed no bathroom ornaments should be selected, or purchased, until it’d been fully fitted. No, this lack of decorative aforethought was merely a consequence of lax planning on my part.

Not that lack of planning should really be dismissed as crassly as my use of the adverb ‘merely’. Planning is and should be an integral part of any project. I’d be somewhat perturbed if I drove a car where the manufacturers ‘merely’ forgot to add brake pads and disks. Or if I was the victim of a lion attack because somebody had ‘merely’ left the big cat’s cage door ajar……. After all, the devil is in the detail.

Anyhow, It’s fair to say my initial thoughts of what to hang on these newly plastered bathroom walls have been somewhat idiosyncratic. In fact these inaugural creative notions, although not without whimsy, could be categorised by some as a tad disturbing.

The section of my brain marked ‘What would Laurence Llewellyn-Bowen do?’ currently obsessed with a Psycho shower scene themed homage. Among the canvases ‘chosen’ a drawing I sketched depicting Marion Crane’s manic shower screams in the midst of Norman Bates’ frenzied stab fest in Hitchcock’s iconic movie.

“Who ‘merely’ let this lunatic go around stabbing people?!” – Marian Crane (Played by Janet Leigh)

That being said, I overwhelming approve of this quirky bathroom garnish idea. Deeming it a piece of mischief that’d never fail to raise a smile whenever I bathe, shower or perch on the constitutional throne.

It’s with a heavy heart, though, I’ve taken into account this chamber won’t be solely for my use. Consequently, despite the mirth a Psycho themed bathroom would raise amongst my neurological corridors, I’ve no wish to traumatise the more sensitive souls who’d utilise the washroom facilities. As such GJS has canned the idea as too risky to pursue.

After all, any brio manifesting from being in the midst of, what I deem, a funny and harmless decorative choice would soon diminish when litigation reared its ugly head. Me up before the beak for the Post Traumatic Stress imparted from visiting my smallest room……. No whimsical flight of fancy is worth pursuit when it introduces jeopardy of forking out financial recompense.

So it’s back to the old drawing board for the section of my brain marked ‘What would Laurence Llewellyn-Bowen do?’…… Unless this cranial area’d rather utilise a new drawing board for its innovative project; in which case I best get logged onto Amazon pronto.

If truth be told, the mission I’ve set myself for decorating my newly renovated bathroom is pretty vague. With the suite being white and the flooring/tiles different shades of greys, the only real stipulation set is whatever decor finally gets the gig has to be colourful…….. Hmmmmm, different shades of grey. Now there’s a thought for a bathroom decoration theme. I’ll keep that epiphany in my back pocket – Actually, as these shorts haven’t got a back pocket, I’ll leave it as a metaphor.

I’m not seeking over the top colourful accessories such as, say, The Beatles Magical Mystery Tour album cover – Which, although a brilliantly chromatic piece of art, is too kaleidoscopic for the look I’m attempting to achieve. Instead, I’m endeavouring to find subtler, more accented chromaticity. Maybe accessories which fall within the teal/duck egg blue colour spectrum.

I seek a minimalist look for the room. A canvas which’d lead visitors, while perched on the loo, to look around and conclude “Well, there’s not a massive amount of colour…… On the plus side, though, at least Strachan hasn’t turned this into a Psycho themed chamber; the chuffing weirdo!”

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