Yesterday evening, I participated in a verve filled Zoom quiz night with six buddies originating from, and in some cases still living in, Gateshead. Rounds of general knowledge, sport, music, absurdity and Argos codes intertwined with live acoustic music, ensuring the clambakes attendees spent an esprit laden three hours.

At the end of the evening, after a tot up of each round’s scores by quiz co-ordinator Scott, I was declared the overall quiz winner. However, I suspect the Dominion machine utilised by our chief inquisitor may’ve given me some of Jeff’s points; although I’ve no evidence of that!…….. In fact, I’m so convinced yours truly didn’t prevail, even I demanded a recount!

I wrote and delivered two rounds. One an absurd fictional ‘True or False’ round where those I’ve attributed to be true, quite clearly aren’t. Inquiries which I enclose below (the made up answers highlighted in bold).

My other round was a set of multiple choice catechisms in which contestants had to guess which product genuinely matched the Argos code. This questions are enclosed after the parody ‘True or False’ round, the correct choice highlighted in bold…… Enjoy:-

True or False

1 – True or False – Despite indications to the contrary, diminutive 1970’s child actor Gary Coleman knew all along what Different Strokes co-star Willis was talking about? – True

2 – True or False – The animated series Top Cat was based on 1960’s/70’s BBC cop drama ‘Z-Cars?’ – False. It’s based on the US comedy ‘Phil Silvers Show’.

3 – True or False – Late comedian Tommy Cooper once appeared in a 1970’s soft porn movie under the pseudonym Dick Girth? – False.

4 – True or False – The Grand Old Duke of York, He had 10,000 men, He didn’t know what to get them for Christmas, So he bought them all a pen? True.

5 – True or False – Despite rotund opera singer Pavarotti’s significant weight loss after his death, doctors and nutritionists advocate the Atkins diet leads to greater long term dietary contentment? – True.

6 – True or False – TV chef Jamie Oliver uses humus as a face moisturiser? – True

7 – True or False – Elton John’s lyricist Bernie Taupin’s real name is Bernardo Tarpaulin? – True

8 – True or False – Religious singer turned Spitting Image puppet, Cliff Richard seeks redemption for his daily sins by, prior to bedtime, singing god his Christmas hit ‘Mistletoe and Wine’ – False – It’s the refrain ‘Devil Woman’ which redeems his soul.

9 – True or False – Growing tired of hearing the same song every night, god is guilty of the thought crime of shoving Devil Woman’s lyrics up Cliff Richards arse? – True

10 – True or False – After hearing him conclude the song ‘Love On The Rocks’ with the line “And all I want is a smile.”, Neil Diamond’s missus added lack of ambition to a list of items which’d led to their matrimonial discord – False. It was his obsession with a lass called Caroline which irked Mrs D.

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Argos Quiz

  1. Code – 879/3632

a) Parsons Vinegar carafe

b) A Vango Mallet

c) Clark Kent’s book ‘Where Have All The Telephone Boxes Gone?’

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2 Code – 937/7277

a) Singing Machine Groove XL 20W CD & Bluetooth Karaoke Machine

b) A Phillips Anal Entry Thermometer

c) A Bosch Chip Maker

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3) Code – 599/2089

a) A Molten Glass Blower

b) An Aitken Guttering Flange Set

c) Challenge Corded Leaf Blower and Vac


4) Code – 442/7861

a) Rio Total Body Waxing Hair Removal Kit

b) An Ernst Ice Making Machine

c) The James Herriot book ‘Has Anyone Seen My Birthing Gloves?’


5) Code 402/5548

a) The ‘Don’t Wake Dad’ boardgame

b) A ‘Swimming With Foxes’ Red Letter Day

c) Downton Abbey’s Mrs Patmore’s Comfort Food cook book


6) Code – 616/5925

a) Trump Unveiled ‘His Bite Is Worse Than His Bark’ book

b) Karcher Car & Home Pressure Washer

c) Mitch McConnell’s ‘The Downside of Looking like Clive Dunn’ annual


7) Code – 874/5628

a) Rudi Giuliani’s Guide To Effective Press Conferences In Garden Centres

b) Scrooge’s Festive Colonic Irrigation Guide

c) LEGO City Advent Calendar 2020


8) Code 532/2862

a) A Turner Electric Cocktail Shaker

b) Aubrey Single Headboard

c) Alan Brazil ‘Only Here For Visit’ book


9) Code 821/0892

a) Revell Fizz 3 Speed Mini Drone

b) Revell Fizz 4 Speed Mini Drone

c) Revell Fizz 5 Speed Mini Drone


10) Code 849/9493

a) The Dummies Guide To Narcolepsy

b) Sandie Toksvig’s ‘Ffjords Have Two F’s’ book

c) Challenge 10 Litre Dehumidifier