It goes without saying self-isolation in the wake of COVID-19’s global disorder is by no means an ideal existence. On a positive side, though, what it does afford those unfortunate enough to be affected are opportunities. Scope and time to maybe indulge in projects delayed, or aspirations yet to be fulfilled, ordinarily due to a paucity of time.

For instance, I intend to undertake some small decorating tasks and major garden maintenance for my mum, which for too long I’ve deferred through apathy, procrastination or binge watching daytime TV show Homes Under The Hammer…… Yes, the latter providing proof, if any were needed, GJ Strachan will do anything to avoid indulging in life’s more mundane little episodes.

In particular, I need to repaint the untiled areas of wall in my mum’s bathroom. There’s been a black smudge residing upon the magnolia coloured emulsion on one of plaster partitions for weeks. My eye drawn to it every time I visit the loo, it’s toyed with my OCD for longer than I deem acceptable, and will shortly be no more.

With regards my mums garden, I plan to jet blast the rear patio and Yorkshire stone wall, lovingly constructed by my late father when he and my mum moved into the property in 1989. My old man mysteriously laying the patio overnight after a late night visit from his mate Spats McCalliog.

Footnote – McCalliog didn’t actually wear spats, but he asked for the nickname, deeming Shoe Laces McCalliog as too weak a nickname for a hard man who thought nothing  of physically assaulting people misspelling his surname with only one ‘c’.

Eventually, dad cut ties with McCalliog, It appears that laying the 36th patio in our back garden was the straw that broke the camels back.

Further Footnote – When I reference my old man ‘cutting ties’ with McCalliog, I’m of course referring to pater severing all contact with the local mobster. Not that he and Spats had a penchant for walking around like a latter day Harpo Marx defacing peers neckties with a pair of scissors…… Additionally, when penning ‘defacing peers neckties’ I mean clothing accessories of their social contemporaries, not lords of the realm.

Spats McCalliog looking animated…. See what I did there?…. Animated and it’s a drawing!…. Blimey, tough audience!

Via social media a friend intends to use her new found hobby of hermitism by writing her second book. When I pointed out she’d not written any books, she cryptically and somewhat bafflingly, responded “I know, I’ve decided to pen the second book first!”

Another acquaintance I was exchanging conversation with via the channel of Messenger, mentioned during the pandemic they were going to plant some cottage garden shrubs. Again as they’re not actually off work yet, I’m assuming he meant if there’s a need to self-isolate manifests itself; not that he was going to plant a bunch of aquilegia in the middle of the call centre where he currently plies his trade.

Anyhow, I can’t procrastinate here any longer, I’ve gardening maintenance to undertake. Actually, I can’t be arsed to do it today!…… No, where’s that Homes Under The Hammer boxset?!

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