Knowing The Difference

Mercifully, the jet lag is abating after my recent Rip Van Winkle-esque slumber. A sleep of such longevity it would probably be more accurate to class it as a hibernation on my part.

When I woke around 10.45am this morning it was a relief to have returned to a conscious state whereby, for the first time in 48 hours, I at least knew what day it was. Neurological wherewithal which had evaded me during my post return flight disorientation.

To steal one of my mum’s oft used adages, for two days since my feet touched terra firma back in Blighty my confused state has resulted in me spending the weekend not knowing the difference between my arse and elbow…… Apart from, thankfully, when in need of the lavatory.


I’d not go as far as saying that today sees me completely refreshed and totally compos mentis. However the fact I’m not wearing my underpants on my elbow shows some sign of improvement in my motor skills compared to yesterday.

My son Jonathon and his fiancee Jenny visited my mums this afternoon after their visit to Wakefield’s Newmillerdam Country Park. A West Yorkshire wildlife haven featuring a central lake surrounded by a surfaced path with surrounding broadleaved and coniferous woodland located on the slopes. I’m unsure of the wildlife this site attracts, however I’d submit if you wanna see lions, tigers, killer meerkats and wild dromedaries this isn’t the place.

They expressed their time there, which included a a pub lunch, had been a pleasant few hours. This despite the tiredness they were experiencing from overnight sounds of rustling outside of their York home in the early hours of Sunday morning.

These sleep distractions the result of a neighbourhood dog knocking over next door’s garbage bin and tucking into its discarded food contents. Amongst this scavenging bounty I’m told was a giant pack of cheesy Wotsit snacks.


On hearing this yarn, I couldn’t help feeling that Jonny and Jenny’s initial bewilderment at this noise emanating from outside their house was probably nothing compared to the dog’s owners on it’s return home with a Wotsit infused orange tongue!!

With not seeing them for several weeks, it was great to see my eldest offspring and his affianced. Both of whom were in good spirits following their wander around Newmillerdam lake and a comfort food lunch while public house in situ.

My mother, me and the affianced laughed and joked about many aspects of our lives during their two hour visit. Situation which included my son mistakingly reading a cosmetic product in our bathroom as ‘Rejuvenating scrotum cream’ when the sink side bottle actually contained ‘Rejuvenating serum cream’.

I’ve no idea if there’s such a thing as rejuvenating scrotum cream. From a personal perspective, though, if I was buying a moisturiser to fight Father Time I’d say my priority bodily area for holding back the years would likely be my visage. I really don’t see the point of owning the most youthful looking testicles in West Yorkshire….. Or indeed anywhere!

It was great to see my son and his fiancee after a good few months bereft of their company. They’re engaging, funny individuals who enhance my life and who’ve inadvertently persuaded me to visit them more now I know their next door neighbour prematurely disposes of half eaten packs of Wotsits.


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