Gary Strachan – "Write" Said Fred

Off The Wall Essays From Deep Within A Capricious Mind

Spinning The Wheel

It’s rare I remember my dreams. This morning, though, a segment of last night’s slumber visions remained with me until my waking hour.

This sleep scene a rather dark encounter where, while within the dream I was penning a narrative in a coffee house, I was held at gunpoint by three ‘desperados’ with aspirations of stealing my laptop device.

Within my state of slumber, the three gun totting aggressors lulling me into a false sense of security by posing as baristas at the aforementioned cafeteria. I should’ve smelt a rat earlier when my iced latte was presented with an unpeeled banana instead of a straw. However, my trusting nature consequently overlooked any possibility they may’ve been imposters.

On coming to terms this trinity of charlatan baristas wanted to steal my electronic device, I couldn’t help but conclude the gang’s methods were over the top. After all, if. they were that desperate to read my blogs then they’re available free of charge online on website writesaidfred.org…… Subsequently, I opined losing one’s liberty by illegally securing one of my literary trinkets, which was free to the internet, was reckless to say the least.

During this dream, it never occurred for one moment that this desperate trio actually had no interest in stealing my latest literary meanderings; moreover targeting the laptop itself.

A notion that became clear when moments into the crime a fake barista who I took to be the ringleader barked an order of “To clarify, we want your laptop, not the content of it’s hard drive….. Especially none of that blogging b*ll*cks you peddle on a daily basis!”

“Well, as you technically can’t separate the hard drive data from the device, in effect you are also stealing my blogging b*ll*cks I peddle on a daily basis!” I felt moved to highlight from my cafe chair, while protectively grabbing hold of my laptop like it was a much loved child.

“Course you can!” came a retort of arrogant surety from a man in possession of a firearm. Assuring, “I could merely remove the hard drive from the motherboard!….. Leave the drive with you – Us three will then take the remaining hardware/preloaded software.”

“Why would you do that?….. It wouldn’t load up without the hard-drive!” I enquired, baffled.

“I could boot the device up from the backup D:/ drive!” the ringleader of the desperados argued.

“Yes, but who’d want to buy a laptop whose c:/drive hardware had been physically removed?!….. Irrespective of the low product price due to your minimal financial margins.” yours truly enquired.

“When I sold your laptop on I’d explain to the new owner how, in BIOS, they could partition the d:/drive to use as a pseudo c:/drive. Then the device would be fit for purpose and also have the benefit of being bereft of your creative crimes!….. A win/win situation I think it’s referred to.” the ringleader (RL) retorted smugly.

“Give over!” I argued. Adding “There’s no way anyone without a significant level of software engineering competency would take on a job where they’re having to use BIOS to completely reconfigure drive partitions, followed by a complete drive rollout!” 

Why ever not?…. It’s not that hard!” I was wrongly assured by the man with the gun.

“Not that hard?!” I blustered in despair at the misguidedness of my aggressor. “It’s completely rebuilding the operating system partitions and software folders/files. The task isn’t always straight forward for technically gifted individuals…… With all due respect to the demographic market for your stolen goods, I’d venture it’d be beyond them….. Unless you try ‘fence it’ in a boozer on Silicon Valley in the US.”

“Well there’s always that option to move your laptop on!” old RL argued.

“You’re not seriously attempting to say that your Plan B for disposing of my stolen computer device is flying to California, and peddling it to a San Francisco Bay software engineer in the Red Lion pub?!” I continued, seeking to make sense of this slumber vision.

“It’s an option!” came the robber’s sheepish response; perhaps now realising how poorly though out this heist had been.

partition-disk

“Look are you gonna hand me that laptop?” the ringleader requested impatiently in my slumber scene.

“Do you want me to remove the c:/drive with all my blogging b*ll*cks on it, as you call it….. Or are you gonna do it?” I helpfully enquired; displaying the affable nature instilled by maternal indoctrination in my fledgling years.

“Do you mind doing it?….. I’ve got a gun to hold onto!” My aggressor pointed out.

“I’ll hold that for you!” I offered, once again exhibiting an amiableness my nemesis hadn’t deserved.

“Do you think I’m stupid?….. If I give you this pistol I’ll hand over all control of this situation over to you.” the RL grunted.

“I don’t know what you’re worried about! I can’t hurt you with this firearm, it’s not real….. This is merely one of my dreams.’ I attempted to re-assure one of the feckless  wannabe thieves……. After a brief pause the ringleader mused:-

“Well, that explains the presence of the naked Margot Robbie throughout the episode!!”

Categories: Blogs, fiction, health/medical, humour, parody

Tags: , , , , , , ,

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