A Decent Proposal

Yesterday I got completely blindsided when I was asked “What’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever done?”

It was a question I wasn’t expecting, coming as it did during a conversation about flue location limitations after recent changes in gas fitting regulations. It appears the bloke servicing my boiler was as chuffing random as yours truly!

My wife may disagree, but I do have a romantic side to me. In fact getting the boiler serviced is her Christmas present and a perfect example of my whimsical, thoughtful and loving nature…… I’d also like to think my proposal to her, during a cold winters evening in 1987, was not without romance.

It took place while dining on French cuisine in a Newcastle Quayside restaurant. It was at this time I had an outer body experience, during which I got down on one knee and tenderly asked Karen for her hand in marriage.

She was a bit freaked by being proposed to by my outer existential being, especially when she saw my body still at the table gorging on lobster Julienne. However, she eventually calmed to inform me I couldn’t have the whole hand in marriage, but as a compromise she’d be prepared to bequeath me her finger nails.

After much negotiation, along with and the owners promise of a free dessert if she said yes, Karen relented and agreed to my request of betrothal. With the express condition I don’t try any of that outer body nonsense again!

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From anecdotal evidence, I believe the Strachan ‘treat your partner well’ approach started with my granddad Jack. My forefather’s marriage proposal to my grandma of “Get your coat lass, you’ve pulled!” won him a nomination for the 1930 Woodhouse Misogynist of the Year award……  In a close fought contest, he came second to Frank ‘Why’s My Tea Not on the Table’ Harrison.

According to Strachan family folklore, my granddad and Frank became good mates. With Frank nipping around for his tea every Wednesday, much to my grandma’s chagrin.

My dad (Mally) has always treat my mum like the diamond she is. A real gentleman, he hasn’t a selfish bone in his body. That is unless you ask to borrow one of his CD’s, then you can whistle for it!….. The spiteful get!

He regularly cooks a candlelit meal for my mum, although that’s for the tight arse reasons of saving money on the electricity, not for the purposes of creating a romantic ambience!

He genuinely loves and respects my mum, which she appreciates and reciprocates in kind. As long as my mater doesn’t lend people his CD’s or leave the lightbulbs on too long, I don’t envisage too many problems in their relationship.

I don’t think you could describe Mally as romantic by any stretch of the imagination. He’s too undemonstrative for that, plus romance can cost money so it’s unlikely you’ll see him going into whimsical overdrive.

He did once pull out all the stops and took my mum out to a restaurant where he arranged for my mum to be serenaded over her Pot Noodles. However, his plans didn’t work out as planned due to Jedward being double booked that night.

Right, I need to get my backside in gear and get a move on!……. Oh, I forgot to mention, I likewise asked the gas fitter what his most romantic moment was……. Apparently it was the installation of a 15kw combi-boiler at number 93!

Reports of the death of romance appear to have been greatly exaggerated!

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