I Never Give You My Pillow

During arbitrary surfing of the net, this morning I witnessed an online sale for recovered sofas. GJ Strachan wasn’t intrigued enough to ask what the chaise lounges had recovered from, but was heartened to hear the settee was recuperating well.

Clearly, the recovery of which I relay above was of an upholstery nature, not medical; the latter would clearly making no sense. However, yours truly felt like affording myself a degree of artistic licence to suggest such absurd whimsy.

Yesterday evening I indulged in similar unreliable wordplay upon hearing a radio sports show discussing the fastest baseball pitcher delivery speeds. A subject which moved me to bastardise the first verse of Bread frontman David Gates’ icon hit ‘If’.

The American singer/songwriter’s lyrics “If a picture paints a thousand words, then why can’t I paint you? The words will never show. The you I’ve come to know……”, instead playing out in my mind as “If a pitcher paints a thousand words, then why can’t I paint you? The words will never show. The you I’ve come to know….. “

Akin to the flimsy craic spouted in the recovered sofa gag, my adaptation of the Tulsa-born artist’s much covered refrain (not settee) not scanning brilliantly. However, in my defence, I’d suggest there’s a clever creative element within this admittedly lukewarm literary.

Since the conclusion of my above paragraph, I suffered a freak knee injury when twisting my Lateral Collateral Ligament (LCL) while performing the usually jeopard free alighting from a garden chair. An injury which, as I write, requires me to ease the pressure on my wounded joint with the aid of crutches.

The traumatised LCL causing me significant pain, requiring the efficacy of an ice pack and a couple of high charged Anadin. As I’m currently dog-sitting my adorable lab/retriever Coco for a few days, not to mention undertaking the role of my mother’s full-time carer, it’s a sprain that’ll potentially impact more than just my short-term lifestyle.

Footnote – When I write ‘high charged Anadin’ I’m referring to consuming the stronger Anadin Extra tablets. Not that I’d deemed the charge of the pain-killer as excessive….. Although, then again!

Shortly after contracting the LCL injury my Amazon food shop turned up. Unable to walk to the front door, my mum’s cleaner Mandy thankfully obliged by answering the door.

My mum, being a person who puts everyone else’s well-being in front of her kids, feeling moved to walk the longer distance to the kitchen (than where the delivery guy stood) to ‘admonish me’ for not answering the door.

The fact I was in agony with the recently received knee trauma, making my mobility even worse than her post-stroke leg movement, not washing as a worthy excuse with the clan’s matriarch. A response which angered me to such an extent it’s current sitting in my back pocket ready for liberty during our next bust up.

As the pain when I’m sitting has abated, I’m hoping I’ll still be able to take Coco for a walk in a couple of hours time if my right leg is supported by crutches. Picking up her poop might prove a challenge mind you!

In their song ‘Carry That Weight’ Lennon & McCartney wrote “I never give you my pillow, I only send you my invitation…” After being deprived of 90% of the bed last night by my canine buddy, perhaps it’s a piece of Fab Four poetry which Cokes need to be made aware of!!

Anyhow, as my mum’s just knocked over a cup of tea and coffee table in the lounge I’m going to bring this to a close to hobble into the living room to dry up a cup of spilt tea…… Oh, the joys of my existence!!!

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