Rain, Rain Go Away

Needing more garden accessories to get rained upon daily in the backyard, this morning witnessed me braving yet more West Yorkshire precipitation to decorate the pergola top with solar lighting. Now all that’s required is for sunshine to lose its modesty, affording conditions to allow long awaited use of this recently revamped outside area.

Actually, I tell a little white lie; yesterday evening yours truly did manage a couple of hours sitting out under a slate grey sky. A log fired chiminea providing enough warmth to make low late spring temperatures bearable for outside living.

Consequently, with a glass of vino, bowl of crisps and laptop my evening was spent in the fresh air watching a classic film and concluding life wasn’t so bad after all, along with wondering how you spelt chrysanthemum……. Incidentally, as my website editor hasn’t highlighted I’d formed the word incorrectly, I’m assuming (more through luck than judgement) that unbeknown to me I knew the actual spelling.

If you’re interested, as the light ebbed, Neil Simon written, 1968 comedy movie ‘The Odd Couple’ provided GJ Strachan’s entertainment fix. Actually, even if you’re not interested, the 1968 comedy movie ‘The Odd Couple’ still provided GJ Strachan’s entertainment fix…… Just because you’re not interested, doesn’t mean it didn’t happen; as the US Republican Party like to say when peddling ‘The Big Lie’….. Move on quick, Gary!

For the uninitiated, the movie storyline surrounds two divorced buddies living together, despite possessing personalities clearly unsuited to sharing an apartment. Jack Lemmon’s neurotic character Felix Ungar the behavioural antithesis of Walter Matthau’s slob Oscar Madison. Simon’s acclaimed screenplay, affording viewers a Panavision smorgasbord of whimsical consequences born from this residential mismatch.

Fractiousness between those inhabiting the same abode a concept I can relate to. Both with my estranged wife at the old marital home, in addition to tenseness bubbling under the surface now I spend an existence as my mum’s carer. A contract bringing with it a sparsity of brio.

Don’t get me wrong the arrangement is beneficial to both parties. However, like most individuals my age, a cordial life with a partner would be my preferred existential path; as opposed to an odyssey with ma mere. However, due to cognitive issues sporadically exhibited by the familial matriarch, circumstances which aren’t currently easily achievable.

Anyhow, I digress. Back to whinging about the rubbish weather which is both the curse and ardour of these wonderful islands…….

Of course, the rain is beneficial for the newly planted shrubs and bedding plants. However, I could do with Miracle Gro (other plant foods are available) infused precipitation to feed the fauna and fauna.

Sadly, though, apart from two parts hydrogen and one oxygen, horticultural growth enhancers aren’t ordinarily present amongst chemical compounds bequested us by rainstorm, ….. I don’t think so, anyhow. From experience it’s usually gunk that necessitates a patio power blast every twelve month.

Footnote – I’m not a scientist and am too lazy to google it and as such I’m guessing rain brings with it little nutritional plant volume, apart from the H2O components…… However, I’d venture with utter certainty that the water’s chemical brew won’t include Miracle Gro.

A casual onlooker may posit “Why don’t you just mix the shrub growth enhancer bought last week with tap water in a watering can, then add the liquid to plants requiring nourishment?”

An inquiry which’d receive my response of “No way I’d look a right idiot nourishing plants by watering can whilst being saturated by teaming precipitation!” I may be also moved to ask “How did you know I bought that box of Miracle Gro food last week?….. Are you stalking me?”

Ironically, the sun showed up just as I concluded my diatribe about West Yorkshire’s seemingly endless precipitation

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