Yesterday evening I partook in the latest bi-weekly online quiz night with buddies. A few hours where seven guys, parted by miles and coronavirus, tested each others general knowledge to within an inch of its life. In the process, creating an inquisitorial fun fest which’d make even the most curmudgeonly soul grin.
Our motley crew not competing for a prize as such. The victor’s spoils for prevailing in this cognitive clash merely an opportunity to gloat childishly “I’m cleverer than you, nah, nah, nuh, nah, nah.” at the six runners-up.
Yesterday evening, the man with that honour was one Jeffrey ‘Good Will Hunting’ Patterson, of the Low Fell Pattersons. A chap so clever, I’d venture, if so desired he could answer the questions even before an inquiry has been made. He doesn’t, but the intellectual plateau this fella resides is so high his responses are delivered with snow on them.
If the last sentence didn’t make sense, wait until you read the nonsense I alleged in my absurd 1970’s sitcom ‘True of False’ questions, below. As usual with the intentionally ludicrous queries I create on these occasions, any inquiry highlighted as true bears not one iota of authenticity. Anyhow,
1 – True or False – The two pigs in The Good Life, Pinky and Perky, were named after the puppet porkers who bore the same monikers? False. It was merely a coincidence.
2 – True or False – Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em star Michael Crawford was forced to select a beret as headwear for his cloddish character Frank Spencer’s after fellow funnyman Tommy Cooper stole his fez. True
3 – True or False – Last of the Summer Wine’s Wellington booted scruff bag Compo undertook all his own stunts. Including the particularly unpleasant and jeopardous act of wrinkling Norah Batty’s stockings before scenes? True
4 – True or False – In 1970, Scouse writer of The Liver Birds, Carla Lane, acquired the full set of Esso England World Cup squad commemorative coins. False. She didn’t drive and preferred collecting Panini stickers over assembling petrol marketing trinkets.
5 – True or False – With the £10 fleeced from Terry and Bob during the ‘Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads?’ episode ‘No Hiding Place’, Flint (played by Brian Glover) procured five homing pigeons and a ha’pputh of chips? True.
6 – True or False – Coincidentally, the combined names of Goodies, Bill Oddie, Graham Garden and Tim Brooke-Taylor’s form the anagram ‘Trinity of Oxbridge Educated Japesters’? False. It was ‘Odd Gardening Mitts and Ham Based Yale Lock’s.
7 – True or False – Due to sight screen damage, for three homes games in 1972 season, Hampstead Heath cricket club utilised ‘George & Mildred’ star Yootha Joyce’s teeth as a makeshift replacement visibility enhancer? True.
8 – True or False – Apart from Argentina’s captain Daniel Passerella, Scouse writer of the comedy Bread, Carla Lane, collected the full set of 1978 Panini FIFA World Cup stickers? True
9 – True or False – To The Manor Born actress Penelope Keith’s priggish persona belied the fact she was a nymphomaniac who like nothing more than playing the pink oboe. False. Infiltration of Penny’s front bottom was as tough as breaking into Fort Knox.
10 – True or False – Man About The House actress Sally Thomsett looked a bit like my auntie Joan? True