Day three of housesitting my former marital home. As alluded to in Saturday’s monologue, initially the sixteen months I’ve spent away from this abode impaired my memory as to the storage location of numerous items.

Thankfully, though, I’ve now re-acquainted myself with where pots, pans, glasses, tins and shower gel are housed. Yesterday, yours truly also remembered there’s two electric points behind the sofa.

A revelation which negated panic, induced when I couldn’t find a plug socket to charge my laptop. This device is my lifeblood, contributing heavily to the creative catharsis which runs through my veins. As such this rediscovery imparted calm where there once was discord.

This constant companionship once moving my mum to joke the laptop was connected to me like a third penis. Unless I was born bearing double appendages, of which I’ve no knowledge, I assume she meant second.

With her eldest child housesitting over at the other side of Leeds, I’ve earlier rung the old lady to check she’s managing ok on her tod. Additionally, I required my fix of being asked the same bleeding question every two minutes; a scene which plays out frequently when residing at Maggie’s abode.

As I write, I’ve noticed a bird’s defecated on the front bay window. An event which superstition dictates brings with it good fortune. As the landing site was the home, not yours truly, I’m not expecting any personal serendipity anytime soon……. I’ll keep you posted, though, if the house wins the lottery!

Regardless of it being a temporary arrangement, I can’t express how esprit raising it is to once again reside in my marital home. Especially now that I’ve remembered there’s more than one set of plug sockets in the lounge.

My cup runneth over with joy at being able to navigate the rooms of a domain I saw being built. A residence where I invested hours of physical labour and money to turn into a home. My place of abode which imparted me with great verve and alacrity.

Footnote – Not to be confused with Garforth building duo Merv & Alacrity.

Despite the issues in my marriage, which eventually became so overwhelming I up and left in summer 2019, I so many memories borne within the walls of this place…… Some of them even happy ones!

Seriously, though, this house saw my kids grow up, great times with my extended family and a time I fell asleep in a wardrobe when attempting to shock my wife.

The latter a foolhardy drunken prank which backfired. By some distance, leaving me to experience the most uncomfortable slumber to ever darken my door……. It did still surprise my wife; only two hours later than I planned.

It’s not all been gravy though, there’s been plenty of stark episodes played out within it’s hallowed chambers. For instance, this home also witnessed my wife’s prevailing cancer fight, yours truly’s severest depression episodes, the immediate aftermath of my heart attack and the dreadful occasion I ran out of marmite.

Anyhow, for the first time in sixteen month, I’m off out to walk the streets I once proudly called home.