Always endeavouring to brighten the day of my readership, I thought I’d commence this piece litteraire with a random joke. With this in mind, recently seeking Amazon Alexa’s (AA) assistance in procuring this jocularity.

Sadly, the cloud based voice service wasn’t very forthcoming following the request “Alexa, tell me a joke about ferrets.” Her polite, soft tones almost apologetically informing me she didn’t know any.

On news of this sadness, you may proffer “That’s no big deal, Gary….. Just ask old AA for a quip relating to another topic.” A well-meaning suggestion I’d have taken onboard if not so keen to impart whimsy at a ferrets expense.

Disappointed at AA’s failure of the objective, I embarked on a neurological journey where I pondered the effectiveness of my virtual assistant’s functionality.

In particular, endeavouring to understand why Alexa can perform countless useful tasks, such as illuminating lights on command, yet is evidently unable to relay whimsical quips about European polecats.

As you perch on your pew reading these locutions, you maybe hold the notion:-

“Look, don’t worry about it, Gary….. I really appreciate your desire to entertain me; however whizz-bangs relating to creatures of the weasel genus ordinarily leave me cold….. Especially, if I’m sat in the freezer when the punchline’s delivered!”

Actually, as it’s highly unlikely my audience will scan my prose while freezer in situ, it’s inconceivable yours truly will ever be subject to the above paragraph’s final sentence.

I’ll give you, though, Igloo residing Inuits maybe a bit parky scanning my narratives, if awareness of writesaidfred.org has stretched to the northern most points of the North American continent.

My website has had hits from Alaska and Canada, however my stats aren’t as granular to highlight those, very welcome, guests were housed in an igloo at the time of tarry.

I’m unsure why I bear this deep desire to impart a ferret quip. I brought this subject up with my therapist earlier and after spending an hour opening my heart to him, he diagnosed I was an idiot……. So to summarise, I paid £100 to be insulted, and to cap it all my therapist didn’t know any ferret jokes either.

Anyhow, out of principle, I’m not going to relay a joke on any other subject. Though, fear not dear reader, my loss will most likely be your gain.

To shatter a generalisation aimed at northern Englishmen, I’ve never owned or even met a ferret at close quarters. GJ Strachan has always been wary and avoided any animal that’s swift, evasive and has the wherewithal to dash up his trouser leg in seconds.

My sister Helen had an hamster in her fledgling years, But, as it didn’t possess a ferrets speed or aggression, I was less concerned about being in its company. Coming to think of it, it wasn’t long before it became even slower…. It unceremoniously died after seven days residence at chez Strachan.

As this rodent demise played out around four decades ago, I don’t recall the hamsters name. I’d guess only our Helen possibly would now be able to provide her short-lived pet moniker. All I can recollect is, as it was constantly moving its bed around the hamster cage, our japester mother nicknamed it Pickford.

Oh, it’s no good, I’m gonna have to scratch that itch (or should that be fitch?) and attempt to locate a ferret joke online.

Right, I’ve actually succeeded in finding a fitch related quip online. What for it………“What do you call a ferret with a banana in each ear? Whatever you want as he won’t be able to hear it.”

Ok, I’ll come clean, the original gag was “What do you call an elephant with a banana in each ear? Whatever you want as he won’t be able to hear it.” However, the joke (as tepid as it is) still works when substituting Nelly for a ferret.

That my friends is what you call artistic licence!…… Or, maybe, sheer desperation.