The COVID Which Stole Xmas

Under COVID’s watch, it’s clear brio levels during Halloween, Bonfire Night on the 5th November, along with the Christmas period will be significantly lower than usual. Under virus restrictions, these traditional festivals/events will afford only a fraction of the perennial verve normally brought to the table.

Amongst my thoughts on virus impact, it dawned on me Halloween mask wearing’ll make bobbing for apples impossible…… Well, even more impossible than the frustratingly difficult parlour game ordinarily plays out.

I’d guess the numbers of trick or treaters will also diminish. Which I suppose will be a boon for parents/guardians, whose kids won’t retire to bed on halloween night full of sugar. Consequently, not desisting from using their bed as a trampoline until November 2nd 2023!

The kids aren’t gonna be overjoyed this years COVID edicts restrict their annual ‘begging’ for packs of gummy bears, chocolate and Faberge eggs. I suppose, though, they’ll be allowed to carve out pumpkins and dress in traditional halloween garb, so all is not lost…… Although, as it’d be a fire hazard, I’d suggest they don’t apply a face mask to the pumpkin.

Of course, as pumpkin can’t contract (and I assume spread) the virus, they won’t need to put a mask on their halloween lanterns, apart from for comedic or fire raising affect.

Talking of contracting coronavirus, I see a few of US Vice-President Mike Pence’s inner circle have tested positive for the pathogen….. Blimey, I hope the fly’s ok!!

The irony of the White House’s Coronavirus Task Force members contracting the virus isn’t lost on me. However, it’s not a surprise when the Oval Office’s resident gaslights citizens into believing the viruses’ demise is around the corner…… Just remember though, folks, there’s no corner in the Oval Office.

With regards to Bonfire Night, I’d imagine social distancing concerns, along with claims fireworks can spread the pathogen, will see large organised events being scuppered.

Consequently, if we want low key displays of Catherine Wheels, rockets et all, us Brits will be encouraged to partake in restriction compliant events within our own residential boundaries.

As I’ve not bought fireworks, or even attended an organised pyrotechnic display for over a decade, coronavirus closing off this avenue of pleasure doesn’t overly impact me. However, for the hundreds of thousands for which this tradition imparts much esprit, it’ll be another existential kick in the teeth by the pathogen’s size 12s.

This December, it’ll not just be the Grinch who steals Christmas. In 2020, the green fella’s monopoly on providing yuletide discontent will be blown out of the water by COVID. A virus whose miserly spirit will inflict far starker episodes than any holiday season skullduggery undertaken by the curmudgeonly furry guy.

I guess prevailing life in 2020 will expose parents to some awkward Christmas season questions from their younger children. Primarily over concerns whether Santa will be able to enter the family home; and if he can why can’t uncle Jimmy and aunt Mary.

Not to mention, complaints a set of Postman Pat branded PPE wasn’t on their list to the fat guy in red.

Anyhow, on that cheerful note, I’m concluding this narrative. After all, this avoiding of coronavirus malarkey won’t do itself!….. Yes, I know that doesn’t make sense, but it’s never stopped me before when struggling to conclude my blog……. So there!!

Footnote – The word malarkey appears in this prose courtesy of Joe Biden.

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