Answers On A Postcard

It’s a beautifully sunny day in ‘God’s Own Country’.

With the surreality of living under COVID’s watch, witnessing clips of the election campaign reality show across the pond, along with my current light-headed lethargy, it feels like I’m amongst the cast of the weirdest night vision I’ve ever encountered.

I’m getting fed up with this existence now. Consequently, if it turns out I’m asleep, I pray the alarm clock wakes me soon. A desire I’ve not previously expressed in over half a century on Earth…… Well, apart from times of giddiness, such as flying on holiday the next day, or during Christmas Eve night as a child.

Talking of the festive period where billions celebrate our saviour’s birthday, I pondered the other day how Christmas might look under the pandemic’s grasp. In particular, how it might make the selling of Santa Claus’ existence a tougher challenge for parents. Conundrum consequential of inquisitive young offspring questioning why Santa’s allowed in their home to deliver presents, but not grandad Frank.

Footnote – Incidentally, when I refer to our saviour, I’m referring to Jesus Christ, not UK prime minister Boris Johnson. Talking of our esteemed leader, yesterday I noticed he was banging the drum for a COVID fighting project called Operation Moonshot…….. Is it unkind to hope the projects objective is we’ll witness old Bozza being shot to the Moon?

Anyhow, back to us having ourselves a COVID little Christmas……….

Will, as a ruse to hoodwink kids Santa’s the person who’d brought their festive gifts, parents employ unnecessary precautionary measures for their brood. Such as introducing a one way system in the living room. On Christmas morning full PPE wearing kids, picking up a gift from under the tree before leaving the living room to open the wrapping paper in clay pit…… That’s if they had a clay pit, if not their bedrooms.

The wrapping paper then bagged in bin liner, ready for later parental disposal After which the child returns downstairs for their next gift….. And repeat….. A Christmas morning where grown ups witness their kids meander around the home in circles; like giddier versions of ‘One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest? inmates.

How else could COVID affect our Christmas holiday?

Can turkeys be asymptomatic? Will the Queen’s Speech be delivered with HRH wearing a face mask? Will Boxing Day see Barnard Castle inundated with drivers testing whether their eyesight and blood/alcohol levels were legal? Would Barnard Castles car park be full of heavily dinted and poorly parked automobiles?….. Answers on a postcard to:- Blue Peter, BBC Television Centre, Wood Lane, London

Like everyone, I want to go back to a time when you could sing a medley of Sound of Music refrains in a store without adorning a face mask, and hugging people was an accepted practise…….. Well, at least until the restraining order hits your inbox.

The surreal science fiction of this last dozen or so month oft manifesting notions I actually passed away after last year’s heart attack. Subsequently, I’m now wandering the Earth, like Bruce Willis’ character in 1999 movie The Sixth Sense’, unaware of my demise..

Talking of ‘The Six Sense’ I wonder if the little kid who saw dead people in the storyline could see the Leeds United defence which conceded four goals at Liverpool, on Saturday.

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