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The Perks of Privilege

In the absence of a COVID-19 vaccine, to fill in a few vacant hours yesterday I pondered what might be a fit for purpose alternative ‘medicine’ to help protect me from the ubiquitous pathogen.

Hare-brained I know, but if the gaffer across the pond can indulge in such tomfoolery in all seriousness, what harm can it be if someone who’s finger isn’t on the nuclear button embraces the pastime. Besides, we’ve all got to seek ways of filling entertainment voids while our waistbands and hair length expand.

My absurd notions to keep COVID at bay included warding it off by playing Cliff Richard music on a loop, wearing a t-shirt bearing the message ‘No Parking – That Includes You Coronavirus‘, hiding in a cupboard until a vaccine is found, along with adorning a wreath of garlic bulbs around my neck.

The quartet of quirky epiphanies quite clearly not fit for purpose as robust defenders against contracting COVID. On the plus side, though, at least they’re less dangerous to health as implying, for example, intravenous application of disinfectant was worth a punt.

Actually, it’s not strictly true when I say my health wouldn’t be affected by the four idiosyncratic counters to affliction by coronavirus. Yours truly can’t envisage a scenario where being exposed to Cliff Richard refrains on a loop wouldn’t seriously screw with my mental health.

Additionally, hiding in a cupboard until a vaccine for the pathogen is found wouldn’t just mess with my mind, but also expose me to risk of suffocation, along with a host of skeletal and muscular ailments.

I guess I’ll stick to the status quo strategy of avoiding COVID by remaining in the Cliff Richard-free confines of house/garden; with exception of social distancing compliant walks to the store for essentials.

Yours truly suspects, though, prime ministerial aide Dominic Cummings’ apparent flouting of  governmental ‘stay at home’ edicts, with at least one trip to Durham from London, may’ve fired a disruptive salvo into the good ship UK Lockdown.

The arrogant, none contrite Cummings’ victory for privilege has given many people, who’d previously adhered to lockdown advice, just the excuse they sought to leave the home and wander our green and pleasant land.

Like many, I get annoyed when the proletariat don’t adhere to government advice. However, the PM’s aide’s hypocrisy of the highest order will surely be the catalyst for many disenchanted in quarantine to mutter a defiant “Bollocks to this!.. I’m off out!“…… Consequently, I’ll probably not get to see my adult children until 2022!!

In light of Dominic Cummingsgate, when despite supposedly being in self-isolation at his London home, he travelled up to a family residence in Durham allegedly in breach of government edicts. The motive for this journey was for childcare as at that juncture he and his missus displayed COVID symptoms.

Did he and his wife stay away from the kids in Durham?….. Answers on a postcard to ‘John Craven Newsround, Wood Lane, London’……. If they didn’t, though, why didn’t they just stay in London?

Perhaps I’m being unfair to the fella; his motives bearing the very apex of integrity.  Could it be Durham city bears the healing powers of Lourdes, France? A historic UK citadel offering recuperative bounty. It’s power to afford these mystical efficacies making tarrying to this location exempt from lockdown edicts!

A new government slogan to help combat COVID anyone?:-

Stay Alert  >  Unless Your Privileged  >  In Which Case You Can Do Whatever The F**k You Want


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