Moments prior to the contest commencing, five gladiators eyed each other suspiciously, behaviour manifesting from apprehension of what awaited in the fight ahead. This upcoming event only affording victory to one person….. To the victor the spoils!!….. Unless of course there was a two way, three way, four way or five way tie.

Beads of perspiration borne from pre-battle tension, along with humid late spring evening, loitered upon the protagonists wrinkled brows. The collective’s presence in the Messenger video room a consequence of seeking to prove they knew their onions.

Well, musical knowledge wherewithal to be more accurate; after all, the quiz didn’t bear a single onion related query. Consequently, if any of the group were there to prove they knew s**t loads about shallots they’ve been somewhat irked.

The sixth participant, who for anonymity reasons I’ll call Gary (yes it’s me!), a man hirsute of body and mischievous of spirit.  His less pressured role of inquisitor general in the forthcoming brawl by inquisition, affording him a less fraught role than the gladiatorial quiz quintet.

The aforementioned quiz master, creating five rounds of music based questions, including tests on lyrics, artist history and a niche topic of the late Roger Whittaker whistling famous football singles through a medium.

As this spiritualist didn’t bear the wonderfully melodic tooting skills of Roge, the latter proved a particularly tough round for the gladiatorial foes……. Additionally, as Roger is still alive, I’d suggest the medium was a fraud, not just a poor whistler!!


I was heartened when at 8.10pm the five participants arrived into the room punctually, and had embraced my requested dress code of ‘Look like you’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards’….. Although, it has to be said one of the number, who for anonymity reasons I’ll call Mick, took the edict a tad too literally, consequently sitting through the whole episode with bracken and fern hanging from his ear lobes.

In addition to the quintet of musical knowledge rounds, eight songs (four originals and four covers) were performed by three of the gladiators in rotation. This heady brew taking the evening away from the cliched quiz format to a fresh new mix sprucing up a tired looking entertainment zeitgeist.

As I don’t play a musical instrument, I decided to play to my creative strengths of writing a spoof round of queries. As points weren’t being handed out for these absurd inquiries, I wasn’t really expecting an answer to any of the questions, even though I’d actually made some up.

My 5-10 minute dip into the surreal requesting confirmation of the following shady accusations…… The spoof ‘answers’ in bold:-

1) Is it the eye of the beholder, or ex-Slade frontman Noddy Holder, that’s afforded carte blanche to decide on an individuals beauty?Noddy Holder

2) Who wrote Ravel’s Bolero?Torville & Dean

3) Is Cliff Richard shite?Yes 

4) True of false; John Lennon’s last words were “Kiss Me Hardy!”True

5) True of false; US band Green Day got their name from singer Billie Joe Armstrongs love of emeralds and late TV presenter Robin Day?False

6) True of false; Ex-Police drummer Stewart Copeland thinks the world is flat. – False, he thinks it’s cheese grater shaped

7) True of false; The Bay City Rollers were really Welsh?False 

8) True of false; To obtain their high pitched voices, prior to recording, Alvin and The Chipmunks inhale enough helium to circumnavigate a hot air balloon around the globe?True

9) True of false; A Beatles song once included the lyrics umper, umper, stick it up your jumper?True

10 ) True of false; Singer/songwriter James Blunt has received counselling as a consequence of stress consequential from an inability to say the word idiosyncratic?False

11) True or False, singer Murray Head had a sister called Gives?True

12) True or False, mass murderer Fred West’s favourite song was ‘Build’ by The Housemartins? –  False

13) True or False, in 1970, MP Margaret Thatcher turned down an opportunity to front the band Mungo Jerry because she wanted to concentrate on politics?False

14) True or False, the video for James Taylor and Natalie Cole’s version of ‘Baby, it’s cold outside’ was filmed on the Calgary Winter Olympic Park’s bobsleigh run? True

15) True of false; Liam Gallagher takes his brother Noel’s advice of ‘Don’t Look Back in Anger’ a little too literary. Consequently, he’s regularly involved in collisions when reversing his car!! – False

Anyhow, Tim won the quiz overall by some distance (he lives about 300 miles from Jeff in second). However, with pretentious prose, I’d suggest the overall victor was the participants spirits who, following the gig, perched on a higher plateau than where it resided at 8pm yesterday evening.