“It was cold; once she’d done her business we came straight back home.”

Information related to me from a friend in response to a question relating to the walk she’d returned from with her Labrador/retriever cross Coco.

The expression ‘doing its business’ has always struck me as a curious way to describe a canines emptying of its bowels. Sure everyone knows what it means, however, I always felt the pretty non-descriptive nature of the statement leaves it open to interpretation.

By that I’m inferring ‘doing business’ is also a term used in numerous existential situations. For example, it’s a relatively common way of describing a monetary transaction in the financial sector, along with, if dialogue in gritty TV dramas scripts are accurate, a punter’s opening gambit to a prostitute.

Footnote – As it’s not a situation I’ve personally been involved in, I’m having to utilise TV scripts as a source of verbal interactions occur between a lady of the night and her fee paying beau. I can categorically state I’ve never ever paid for sex!……. Yours truly’s begged a few times, but hasn’t been down the sordid avenue of providing fiscal inducement for any act of intimacy.

Further Footnote – I do worry, though, since the introduction of speed limits as low as 20mph in many built up areas, I might get arrested for curb crawling!….. Especially, if I’m ever in need of stopping to ask directions in less salubrious areas.

I’m not suggesting a dog defecating should be labelled with one of the numerous cruder titles granted to the human equivalent action. However, personally I think pooh or poop could maybe be embraced by dog owners who use the expression ‘done its business’. In doing so creating naming convention uniformity for guardians of these beautiful creatures.

That being said, when advised by my friend “It was cold; once she’d done her business we came straight back home.” she mightn’t have meant old Cokers (as I’ve nicknamed the endearing lab) had emptied her bowels. It was an assumption I made, the beautiful canine may’ve actually genuinely been engaged in ‘business’ of a fiscal remuneration for goods type.

For instance, behind that enchanting doggy visage and her enthusiastically loving nature, the ‘business’ Coker’s may’ve been involved in during yesterday’s walk may’ve been a drug deal. Or perhaps discussing the offshoring of work from her successful pooper scooper manufacturing company; in the process condemning all UK based s**t shovel makers to the employment scrap heap.

Coco maybe a wolf in labradors clothing, ruthlessly playing with peoples lives by a series of ruthlessly uncaring business dealings. Corporate manoeuvres aimed at building even greater wealth at the expense of the repressed proletariat. Known throughout the business world as a callous hatchet dog of the highest order…… Cokers by name, cutthroat by nature.

I’ve waxed lyric a fair bit recently about my recently found love of dogs. However, is this gushing canine reverence due to rose tinted specs borne from my inexperience in their company?…… How much can we really know about these creatures?

Unless you’re Doctor Dolittle and able to converse with them, we’ve no way of saying what’s really in their minds. Behind that engaging nature and consummate beauty may lie a mind planning world dominance……. Ah, never mind, I”ll take my chances!!

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So you want 5 grammes of Charlie then, Gary?!