Kashyyyk’s Got Talent

In the grand scheme of things it wasn’t a major problem. That being said, I’ve got to admit I was slightly disturbed to witness my mum dressed in almost identical coloured t-shirt and slacks as me when, today, picking her up from her local community centre coffee morning. A stop I made prior to our onward destination to the White Rose Shopping Centre (WRSC), where Mrs S senior was to undertake a weekly comestible shop.

As mentioned, I appreciate the situation was merely a first world problem. However seeing my mother dressed almost identically to me, in sky blue top and royal blue trousers, my immediate notion was we’d be wandering around the WRSC looking like Howard and Hilda Hughes from BBC TV comedy Ever Decreasing Circles. The two H’s, a timid couple who’d a terrible penchant for wearing ‘his and hers’ outfits, along with frequent displays of overbearing righteousness.

Howard and Hilda 1980s

Maggie (ma mere) and me ordinarily behave in a slightly more street-wise manner than the suburban Surrey couple, played by Stanley Lebor and Geraldine Newman. Consequently, I was significantly more ill-at-ease than Howard and Hilda would’ve been at the thought of trudging around Sainsbury’s aisles adorning similar threads.

Having no desire to dress like twins*** with anyone, GJ Strachan certainly wasn’t enamoured at the thought of meandering around the malls and aisles of the WRSC with attire uncomfortably similar to his mother.

*** – Admittedly, Maggie and me would look like about as twin-like as Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in the movie below.


When Mrs S senior climbed into my car outside of the East Ardsley Community Centre, I commented “Bloody hell, mum!!…. It looks like we’re wearing a Strachan family uniform?!”

Eventually cottoning on to what I was alluding to (she was never the sharpest!), mother cuttingly replied “You’re joking aren’t you!!….. I’d never dress like you. With your hairy arms and tight t-shirts you look like a cross between Chewbacca and Simon Cowell!”

“Lots of people say I dress quite well for a guy my age!” I countered defensively.

“Yes, but lots also think you look like you’ve just returned from judging an episode of Kashyyyk’s Got Talent!” mater mischievously informed me, tongue firmly pressed in cheek.

Possessing very little knowledge about the Star Wars movie franchise, I enquired “Where’s Kashyyyk?!”

“It’s the planet where Wookies originate….. You know, the tall, hirsute, intelligent biped species who seem adept at piloting the Millennium Falcon.” Maggie countered.

“Ah……. I thought it was the kebab shop in Middleton. The one which covers their doners with that really fiery chilli sauce.” I sheepishly admitted.

“Idiot!….. You must be the only person I know that’s never seen the original Star Wars movie!” Mrs S senior felt moved to add, further twisting the knife.

“Anyhow, how do you know so much about Wookies and Kashyyyk, mum?!…. You’ve never been much of a Star Wars fan yourself.” I enquired of my forthright mother.

After a brief reflective pause, Maggie proffered “Actually, I think it’s time I told you something about your real dad, Gary!……. And, before you ask, no it’s not Darth Vader!” 

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