Gary Strachan – "Write" Said Fred

Off The Wall Essays From Deep Within A Capricious Mind

Sounds Like A Plan

During a post-lunch walk around the estate in which casa Strachan resides I bumped into an old acquaintance. Aware of my recent cardio issues, during our brief chat, he magnanimously offered his good wishes for a speedy and full recovery.

During the conversation they enquired what the experience of undergoing a heart attack felt like. After briefly pondering over how to reply, I responded it was overrated and apart from weight loss the benefits weren’t overly generous. This led onto questions surrounding the recuperation plan I had in place. In particular my short to medium term goals for the recovery process.

“Short term is rest, good diet and avoiding watching the movie It……. Medium term my plan is rest, good diet and stealing young Danny from next door’s drum kit.” I replied, only half kidding.

"What do I do? He refuses to sleep on his own."

Despite signs I’m making slight progress with my energy levels with every new day, I’m still finding I get fatigued very easily. In fact just now I got tired typing how easily I’m getting fatigued!

Finding I was getting bed sores on my bed sores, I’m spending a lot less time in my slumber pit. It’s the first time I’ve ever experienced this type of skin affliction, and with it being on my ass it also affects my comfort levels when sitting down – Which is quite literally a pain in the ass!

My wife Karen well-meaningly provided me with a list of remedial potions for bed sores, folklore passed through generations of her family. However, as tabasco sauce was probably the least ridiculous recommendation on the list, it’s fair to say her remedial suggestions won’t be allowed anywhere near my chapped buttocks.

I’ve made large changes in my diet in the wake of my cardiac arrest. Fruit and walnuts replacing my pre-attack snacking pleasures of crisps and cheese. In the last week I’ve also discovered the wonders of wasabi peas; a flavoursome snack which provides additional fibre and protein to your diet. I’m unclear what wasabi is, but I’m aware of what peas are, meaning I at least know what constitutes 50% of the snack in front of me.

That being said my diet wasn’t that poor prior to my heart issues. I ate vegetables most days (or salads in the summer/early autumn) drank copious amount of water daily and very rarely dined on calorie/fat laden take-aways.

Admittedly, I probably drank more units of alcohol than Department of Health guidelines. However I’ve now addressed that misguided strategy, not touching the demon booze within the last three weeks. A health plan I intend to maintain for many more weeks, maybe months.

Above I highlighted my short to medium term plans for my recuperation, but what are the long term aspirations manifesting from my unexpected health scare on 11th January 2019?

As I never look that far ahead, it’s an enquiry that’s hard to answer. If pushed, though, I suppose securing a job where I utilise my creativity, along with an existence where the misery to joy ratio is more equitable then at present, are among long term future goals.

Knowing my fortunes will turn at some point has been the mindset that’s kept me going through these last few years of utter joylessness. I owe it to myself to look after myself and hang around many more years, because if I go in the short/medium term I’ll be departing as a deeply unfulfilled man.

Categories: Blogs, family, humour, parody

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

2 replies

  1. Sorry to hear about your recent cardio issues! But this was a jolly good read. Here’s to your continued great recuperation. Keep up the good work with the diet/exercise/etc. Here’s hoping you a great 2019 and beyond.

    Liked by 1 person

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