Gary Strachan – "Write" Said Fred

Off The Wall Essays From Deep Within A Capricious Mind

Wrath of the Andromites

Behind today’s door number two on the Strachan advent calendar I was greeted by the souls of the oppressed. Although affable enough considering the terrible suffering they’ve endured, I’m starting to have misgivings about buying Torture magazine’s*** festive calendar.

Yesterday’s bestowals behind door number one were the Fingernails of No Return; which is a shame as I don’t chuffing want them!!…… With life events in chez Strachan troubled enough, I just hope the Wrath of the Andromites isn’t behind any of the remaining unopened doors.

This bane an age old wrath handed down by the little known South American Androme tribe. A curse that brings with it nothing but misfortune – Including the misery of points being magnetically wiped from your Nectar card, and commencement of uninvited visits from high maintenance TV presenter Richard Madeley.

Although accepting there are many, many people with worse existences than our clan, my family could really do with our soap opera taking a hiatus. Last week’s plot line seeing my wife lose her mother after a short illness, adding to the County Durham lass’ already burgeoning cauldron of detritus.

My daughter Rachel, along with her brother, losing two of her four grandparents (my dad and Karen’s mum) since leaving last May for a two year working jaunt to Canada. Neither passing anything to do with her odyssey, however Rach’s circumstances moves me to proffer this slightly edited Oscar Wilde quote – “To lose one grandparent may be regarded as misfortune; to lose two looks like carelessness.”

As I alluded to above, hopefully my family’s run of bad luck won’t be exacerbated by the Wrath of the Andromites. Although, after last weeks events, it looks like our family Christmas will be a washout.

Yesterday was a quiet one for yours truly. Writing in the morning, watching some of the Leeds United game on TV early afternoon, and most importantly a catch up with Karen after her return from her parent’s home in County Durham.

During our conversation I passed on the many good wishes people had sent her on my social media accounts. Generosity of spirit bequeathed to my missus by individuals appreciating the magnitude these events have on those left behind. Many of whom didn’t know her mum, but were keen to let her daughter know she was in their thoughts. Messages that proved a great fillip to my distraught wife’s spirits…… So thanks to those who took time to send them.

Today’s itinerary includes writing, cooking of the Sunday roast, prepping veg and watching a movie on Now TV. Another quiet day – The calm before the storm of hospital visits with Karen on the morrow and Tuesday…… Tuesday seeing visits to two seperate Leeds hospitals (St James’ in the morning; the LGI in the afternoon).

Despite all her existential misfortune, my spouse remains stoic, resolute and lots of other words that contain the letters ‘s’ and ‘o’. The fight she exhibits admirable, her refusal to cave inspirational.

Blimey, I’ve just seen Richard Madeley visit my buddy Mike’s house. He must’ve had the Wrath of the Andromites behind door number two on his advent calendar!!…… Poor lad!!….. I best dash to get him to check his Nectar points haven’t disappeared!!

*** – Torture magazine is (as far as I know) a fictional publication. Even if it isn’t, I’d like to clarify it’s not something I’d include on my reading list.

Categories: Blogs, family, fiction, humour

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.