Gary Strachan – "Write" Said Fred

A Whimsical Daily Diary From Deep Within A Random Mind

“It’s Not A Million Miles Away From….. “

Yesterday saw yours truly run my septuagenarian mother to the White Rose Shopping Centre, Leeds, for her weekly comestibles.

Prior to the food shop, over a Costa coffee she furnished me with details of her recent holiday with long-term friends Jack and Jacqueline. The trio’s vacation destination the town of Eastbourne on the south coast of England.

This resort a firm favourite among those in their dotage. Oldies seeking the recuperative qualities of sea air and fitness benefits borne from engaging in a tug of war when seagulls attempt to pilfer their fish supper. Predominantly, though, their main gratification the consequence of ignoring seafront signs of ‘Walk Faster. I Haven’t Got All Day!” to antagonise younger town locals.

eastbourne

Eastbourne a historic town situated not a million miles from where, in 1066, the Norman conquests started. William, Duke of Normandy, and his charges ignoring battlefield signs of ‘Hastings Welcomes Careful Horsemen!’ to overrun the defending Anglo-Saxon’s, led by King Harold Godwinson.

Harold himself losing his life in the Battle of Hastings after an archer’s arrow entered his right cornea. Proving correct the mother of the Norman bowman’s precognition in his childhood of “Stop messing around with that bow and arrow!…. You’ll put somebody’s eye out!”

Before I proceed, I’ve always thought that the expression ‘It’s not a million miles from’ to describe a locations close proximity to something was a daft analogy. After all, even if my mum had holidayed on the other side of the globe she still wouldn’t be a million miles from where the Battle of Hastings was contested.

The Earth is approximately 91 million miles from the sun. Meaning, to be anything other than the mileage differential quoted in the saying, my mum would’ve had to choose a resort at least 1/91st of the way to the sun

This a recuperative break destination I’d envisage Thomas Cook, or indeed any other travel agency, are unable to currently provide. Even in their brochures titled ‘Breaks Requiring Sun Factor 10,000 Cream’

Consequently, as the adage covers every possible journey Earthlings could possibly embark on, to my mind it’s a pretty worthless descriptive.

Some may argue “If the idiom is to be taken literally, Gary, you’d have some pertinent points….. However, it’s commonly recognised the saying merely describes two points actually sharing closeness of proximity.”

To those people I’d respond “Who the chuffing heck asked your opinion?!…. Coming into my blog, stealing my thunder with your negativity, common sense and logical thinking!”

My wife’s father, who converses in frontier gibberish, once told someone who was negative “Flipsen gitten ganning oot wor seet, tha noodly noo!” ………. No, I’ve not got a bloody clue what it means either!

You’ll have probably noticed I’ve changed the subject following the sabotage of my earlier cynical arguments about the futility of proffering ‘It’s not a million miles from’. Backing myself into a corner, having to eventually admit openly this comment isn’t to be interpreted literally.

Some may question “In that case, why don’t you delete the words penned above? After all, you now concede they’re deeply flawed!”

To those people I’d respond “Who the chuffing heck asked your opinion?!…. Coming into my blog, stealing my thunder with your negativity, common sense and logical thinking!”

I’d also back my motives not to delete earlier mutterings by adding “I’d written about 300 words on my dislike of the adage and couldn’t be bothered to delete an hours worth of work….. Subsequently having to restart the narrative from scratch.”

Despite the sporadic randomness of this literary offering, particularly towards it’s conclusion, I hope you can take some positives from this lexilogical offering. Including an appreciation of my honesty by openly admitting my initial opinions of a much used idiom were flawed….. If not:-

“Who the chuffing heck asked your opinion?!…. Coming into my blog, stealing my thunder with your negativity, common sense and logical thinking!”

Categories: Blogs, family, fiction, humour

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