Begging to Differ

According to a local weather forecaster, today is the last day for a while where Yorkshire will experience unusually warm, windless meteorological conditions. So today is the literal calm before the storm; prior to our long-standing warm spell being displaced by rain, strong breezes and climatic instability.

To be honest, I was quite relieved to hear local weatherman Jon Mitchell relay the news of the forthcoming cooling temperatures. In particular, I’ve no doubt the precipitation will be appreciated by my thirsty lawn.

It’s baking hot in our back garden today. My lawn so parched I’m sure I can hear it in a weak voice begging “Water! Water…. I must have water!”…… A metaphorical parallel of which is featured below.


With the heat haze creating distorted images of the deciduous trees on the horizon, I’m forgoing writing in the garden today. Instead opting for the cooler environ of my dining room.

Through the room’s bay window I’m still greeted with the kaleidoscopic splendour of my outdoor sanctuary. Hopefully, though, I won’t perspire as profusely as when putting font to Word document during hot outdoor temperatures. An uncomfortable feeling that on a bad day necessitates more costume changes than Peter Sellers encountered portraying several characters in the movie ‘Dr Strangelove’.

Having to cancel my scheduled plans for this afternoon due to the tardiness of a heating engineer, this is my second narrative of the day. It would have been my first literary effort, but I wrote one earlier so it isn’t……. I know that’s chuffing obvious, but you try padding out over 1,000 words of this ‘top quality’ literary output in one day – It’s not easy.

I’ve just had a few minute break from penning this work. A consequence of being incapacitated with laughter at the commencement of a Facetime video call between my wife Karen and her identical twin sister Susan.

As video pictures of both ladies rendering their respective mobile screens, my missus became disorientated, mistaking her own visage for that of her sister which led her to exclaim “It’s not working properly, I’ve not got a pink top on!”

Seconds later it dawned on her that the lady in the pink top was in fact her twin sister, and the other woman on the screen adorning the blue top was actually her. They do appear very similar facially which has confused people in the past. However, in the 35 years I’ve know my spouse, it’s the first time I’ve know her mistake herself for Sue.

I best monitor this to ensure it’s not a more deep rooted issue. After all, I don’t want my wee missus to start getting confused when she walks past a mirror.

Heroes – Four decades ago punk band The Stranglers opined there weren’t any left. With all due respect to Hugh Cornwell and his cohorts, after witnessing the photograph below from that era, I beg to differ…….. Ladies and Gentleman, I give you Les Dawson and Billy Bremner.


les and billy
“I take my mother in law everywhere with me, Billy…….. I cant stand to kiss here goodbye”

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