poohsticks

I had my weekly telephone chat with my brother Ian this morning. As we live around 100 miles apart we don’t get to meet in person often, so we have a catch up on the phone every Saturday.

He’s a right bald git but he’s my bro and I love him. During today’s conversation we discussed his new deep fat fryer, football, cricket, his deep fat fryer again, rugby, my blogs and his new deep fat fryer again……….. Once he got on about his bloody new deep fat fryer for the third time I rang off hastily!

Ian advised me he enjoys my blogs, which he tends to read on his phone when he’s at the toilet! I’m not sure if that is some subliminal metaphor for the contents of my narratives, or whether they have some laxative quality I don’t know about!

I might get some scientific testing carried out under laboratory conditions, to see if reading my work has the ability to assist with constipation! If it has I might patent them and sell them on to the Miralax company.

Just think I might end up fulfilling my dream of making money from something I’d written in the most unexpected way. That is by receiving money not for people’s reading pleasure, but as a tried and tested remedy to assist moving one’s bowels.

Miralax could market it as Laxative Literature and I could take the pen name of Edgar Allen Pooh!

The opportunities for earning are immeasurable. I could produce Edgar Allen Pooh labelled merchandising such as audio book, toilet roll and air freshener! ……… Investors for my research testing form an orderly queue please!

In some ways I wish he hadn’t told me about where he reads the blogs. I mean, why didn’t he just say “I enjoy your blogs, Gary” and leave it at that! Did he really need to add “Which I read on the toilet!” for flips sake?!

reading on loo

By doing so he has now put a picture in my head of him reading this nonsense sat on the loo! I’m trying hard to remove this vision by thinking of beautiful things like Margot Robbie.

However, I now just have a picture of Margot Robbie reading on the toilet. It’s a better vision than that of our Ian but I’m still uncomfortable with it!

Right, I’m off to spend my Saturday more productively……… Oh, and Ian make sure you wash your hands!!

pooh