Yesterday teatime, while yours truly hovered over the bbq grill listening to talkSport on the radio, the serenity of my soul was soured by an item relating to England football fans. In particular a description of one England fan’s behaviour before, during and after England’s Euro 2020 final game with Italy.

Incidentally, when saying hovering over the barbecue grill, I mean stood next to the bbq with my tongs, grilling lamb kofta. I’d like to make it clear yours truly is bereft of the powers of levitation and therefore is incapable of hovering.

And, to be honest, even if I did have those gravity defying powers I wouldn’t use them while alfresco cooking. An act which’d not only introduce additional unnecessary burn jeopardy, but no doubt also make it trickier to turn the food with the tongs.

Anyhow, back to the behaviour of the England fan…..

According to this feature on the sports radio station, The Sun newspaper had tracked down one of Sunday’s revellers. A Chelsea fan, who openly bragged about bribing his way into the game, ‘banging loads’ of cocaine, drinking 20 cans of cider and shoving an ignited flare up his posterior.

Unsurprisingly, this fella was unrepentant about any of his misdemeanours during many hours of ‘revelling’……. And, why would he be? After all, the acts of which he gloats prove beyond doubt the bloke doesn’t give a shiny s***e about the welfare of other people…… Although, producing a shiny s***e maybe difficult with a flare lodged in his ass.

Saying that, though, he’ll probably care about his muckers, who’ll no doubt now label him a hero after achieving such national notoriety. This cretin no doubt dining out on his exploits of 11th July 2021 for years to come.

To be honest, my irk on hearing this story on talkSport Drive wasn’t the Chelsea fan’s unrepentance at endangering others with his behaviour. To my mind, a concession which was quite frankly never going to see the light of day.

No, my disenchantment instead borne from anger at The Sun newspaper for affording this idiot a platform to spout his remorseless gloating; further fuelling his misguided ego.

If you’re wondering why, when this babble was in the morning newspaper, I didn’t learn this news untiI a late afternoon radio show there’s a very simple response. Quite simply, I wouldn’t wipe my ass with The Sun, never mind read it’s questionable tattle.

Whether this imbecilic Chelsea fan reads it I’ve no idea……. If he wants to wipe his arse on it, though, he’ll have to remove the flare first…… Paper and fire aren’t the most cordial of bedfellows, fella….. Unless, of course, you wanna accelerate your idiosyncratic bottom blaze.

My accusers may proffer yours truly’s polemic referencing this guy’s antics are an act of gross hypocrisy. After all, they could argue that like me The Sun aren’t by any stretch claiming this fella exhibits role model behaviour. They’re merely scratching an informational itch for their discerning readership.

To be honest, an accusation of hypocrisy one which, with further reflection, I’m probably guilty as charged.

I was gonna offer a lukewarm argument my piece has different motives to the newspaper, not to mention my readership isn’t anywhere near as large as The Sun, so the fool’d get less exposure in my journal – Making my crime less severe.

However, on reflection, reader hits are irrelevant. And having good motives maybe noble, but the fact is I’ve given this buffoon column inches, making me as misguided as The Sun.

Consequently, I’d appreciate it if you kindly forget everything I’ve written in the previous paragraphs….. Oh, you have already!