The Conspiratorial Canine

It’s 10.04 am on Sunday 7th March as GJ Strachan commences this potboiler. Coco has been walked, breakfast has been devoured, washing up completed, and now I’m perched close to a roaring gas fire with my trusty laptop.

In the distance a background soundscape of classic 1970s/80s refrains plays courtesy of Magic radio. Coco is asleep on the settee snoring and her mum Samantha is sat on her iPad….. Why Sam won’t use the chairs for sitting is unknown, but she appears content enough with the seating arrangement so I’ll hold my counsel.

It was an eventful stroll around the local park earlier. Coco finding a tennis ball at the start of the saunter meaning and, in the absence of a tennis racket, she spent ages galloping after the aforementioned sphere.

However, it wasn’t all chasing a tennisy for the lovely natured labrador/retriever cross. She also spent her morning stroll chasing a cat, chewing her way through three tree branches, along with chatting about her thoughts on the real killer(s) of ex-US president JF Kennedy in 1963….. I appears her recent binge watching of History Channel documentaries is opening the labs mind to major US political events.

Of course, Cokes wasn’t really talking to me, our discussion about incidents surrounding JFK’s assassination was merely me responding to my own questions during a parody conversation with old furry face. Our ‘conversation’ during her walk playing out something like this:-

Me“What historical documentary were you watching when I was writing in the dining room last night, Coco?”

Coco“It was an episode relaying the conspiracy theories behind JFK’s assassination.”

Me“Oh yeah, that Lee Harvey Oswald has a lot to answer for.”

Coco“Don’t make me laugh…. Oswald had sod all to do with the killing. For him to’ve carried the thing out alone, like the Warren Commission would have us believe, he’d have had to shoot a bullet that made fourteen detours for the four separate injuries to’ve been sustained.”

Me“Who do you think did it then, Cokes?”

Coco“My money’s on it being an inside job. The investigation couldn’t possibly have been as hamstrung if it’d been undertaken at a lower level.”

Me“What do you mean?…. Like subversion within the government departments, in conjunction with the FBI and CIA?”

Coco “I can’t be certain. After all, I’m only a dog and haven’t undertaken full analysis of the episodes investigation data. However, if I had b*ll*cks, I’d bet them it was the case.

Me“You seem really well informed about US politics.”

Coco“Well, I do endeavour to educate myself….. Unlike you, who wastes his time writing tosh and crooning as a Frank Sinatra wannabe.”

Me – “Whats your take on the current US political climate?

Coco“Don’t get me started on that shower of s***e!”

Me“What do you mean?….. They’re not all bad…..That Ted Cruz fella and Lindsay Graham seem trustworthy sort of chaps.”

Coco “You’ve gotta be joking, aren’t you!!!….. Their noses are further up Trumps a**e than mine was lodged up that poodle’s bottom who passed during yesterday’s walk!”

Me“So you don’t believe in the conspiracy theories surrounding the US 2020 Presidential Election in the same way you subscribe to conspiratorial tales of the JFK assassination?”

Coco“Not at all….. They’re as about reliable as Rudy Giuliani’s hair dye!”

“There’s no way it was Oswald!!

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