Via the conduit of Zoom, yesterday I partook in an esprit filled quiz evening with six buddies from the north east of England. This ‘Magnificent Seven’ (including yours truly) contributing rounds of inquisitions covering subjects such as geography, music, alcohol, movies, Fred Dinage’s barnet and football.
In between two of the rounds, this entertainment feast including talk by two of our number describing a drunken game of ‘Pooh Sticks’ indulged upon at the Tyne Bridge when they were nowt but a lad.
I forget now what they dropped into the River Tyne during this impromptu water current race; a game originally manifesting in the creatively fertile mind of A,A, Milne, I can confirm, though, they weren’t the bodies of people who’d crossed the Low Fell mafia
This the organised crime family for whom they (Jeff and Scott) worked as bagmen in the 1980’s. Consequential of owning a water pistol and bearing the surname Patterson, at the time Jeff earned the nickname Pistol Patterson….. The mobsters evidently not exerting a great deal of energy when it came to creating innovative nicknames. Scott ‘Bow And Arrow’ Parker receiving his pseudonym due to the fact he owned a……. Well, I ‘m sure you can guess the rest.
Jokingly known as the Two P’s (although not to their faces, or in a pod), in the 1980s Parker and Patterson wreaking havoc amongst the Gateshead business community. The pair administering ruthless punishment beatings, unyielding extortion tactics and making disparaging comments about the lack of bedding plants on the roundabout at the top of Chowdene Bank.
When the council pointed out they couldn’t act upon the Two P’s floral demands as there wasn’t a roundabout at the top of Chowdene Bank, such was their influence in the area at the time they made the local authorities build one.
Anyhow, I digress…… Below are the absurd inquiries I wrote for my ‘True or False’ round forming my contribution to the overall clambake. Please be aware, queries I’ve attributed to be True are in reality the most heinous of deceptions on my part.
True or False
1 True or False – Despite Cockney rhyming slang indicating the contrary, The Shadows guitarist Hank Marvin insists he’s very rarely hungry? True
2 True or False – Former Yes keyboard player and turnip farmer Rick Wakeman’s autobiography is titled ‘Yes, That Was A Turnup For The Books Mrs? False – It was called ‘Swede, Swede Music’.
3 True or False – Former ‘How’ presenter Fred Dinage modelled his arched hairstyle on Newcastle’s Tyne Bridge? . True
4 True or False – Clearasil cleansing lotion not only tackles acne problem, but if applied in vast quantities is capable of making the user invisible? True
5 True or False – Late TV canine whisperer Barbara Woodhouse’ CV included a hobby of gelding horses? False
6 True or False – 1970s/80s travel show host Judith Chalmers spoke 317 languages? True
7 True or False – In early adulthood the current Pope was a referee on the Argentinian TV version of ‘Jeux Sans Frontier’? – False.
8. True or False – One of the edicts Eurovision Song Contest performers must follow is their scores mustn’t contain any tuba music whatsoever? False. It’s a duck whistles which are afforded nil point.
9. True or False – As a consequence of his stunted right hand not containing fingerprints, the ‘Game for A Laugh’ presenter Jeremy Beadle enjoyed a successful sideline as a cat burglar? False, At no stage of his life was ‘Beadle About’ star guilty of stealing cats.
10. True or False – The fact I’m absolutely minted appears to contradict the old proverb ‘A fool and his money are easily parted’? False. I’ve not got two happennys to scratch my arse with.
11 True or False – The fact it’s said ‘A leopard cannot change it’s spots’ clearly indicates Clearasil is ineffective on felines? True.…. Unless they put enough of the cream on to make them invisible.
12. True or False – Despite frequently telling Rita Fairclough “I don’t really know!”, Coronation Street neurotic Mavis Riley actually was fully aware all along? True
13. True of False – Due to mortar shortages during its construction, the top concrete slabs of the Hoover Dam are held in place by Blu Tac? False – It’s sellotape
14. True or False – When a snooker player pots three balls with one strike of the cue ball it’s known as a ‘Holy Trinity’? False. Its called really f***ing lucky!
15. True or False – Newcastle United manager Steve Bruce’s nose is exactly the same shape as the city’s Westgate Road? True