On Friday evening, I’d a telephone discussion with my son Jonathon. During our habitual mix of silly exchanges interspersed with the occasional sensible snippet, my eldest offspring and me mulled over the conundrum of him retrieving of a parcel he’d inadvertently addressed here (his childhood residence). This issue clouded by our desire not to breach UK governmental COVID edicts.
Among the tongue in cheek schemes discussed I mentioned to my boy “If you drive to the far end of our drive (around 12 feet away from the front door) I could lob the (smallish) parcel basketball style through your car sunroof.”…… This a catalyst to the following whimsical exchange:-
Jonny Strachan (JS) – “I’ve not got a sunroof, dad.”
Gary Strachan (GS) – “Have you not got an old style tin opener?”
JS – “No, why’s that, dad?”
GS – “Well I was thinking you could make a sunroof.”
JS (incredulously) – “What, hack out a hole in my car roof with a tin opener. I suppose using cling film wind protection for colder days?”
GS – “Yeah….. Sunroofs are really handy.”
JS – “My car’s got air conditioning, dad…….Why would I need a sunroof?”
GS – “Erm….. Well, in the event you need someone to lob a parcel through the hole, so that social distancing protocols aren’t breached.”
JS (sarcastically) – “Should I hang a basketball hoop net around it as well, you berk?”
GS – “No that’d be ridiculous….. What sort of idiot would suggest that?”
JS – “Maybe the same idiot who’d suggest creating some half-assed sunroof with a tin opener.”
GS – “Look do you want my help with this parcel conundrum, Jonny, or not?”
JS (Patronisingly) – “Not really, no!”
GS (Seeking an alternative solution) – “Ok forget about the sunroof idea….. What about if you park at the far end of our drive, you lower your driver’s door window and I launch the parcel rugby line out style through the space where the window’d been?”
JS (Indignantly – “That’s as ridiculous as your sunroof idea.”
GS (Hurt at his son’s slight) – “No it’s not….. For one thing you don’t have to make vehicle modifications for this gem of an epiphany.”
JS – “Dad, have you noticed that label on the parcel which reads ‘FRAGILE’?”
GS – “Yes, why?”
JS – “Well those seven letters make me reticent to have the thing thrown 12 feet through my open car window.”
GS – “Blimey, I’m not that bloody stupid….. I’d throw the box gently.”
JS – “Firstly, you are that stupid…. Secondly, I’d suggest it’s nigh on impossible to gently throw a box that distance without the impact of landing causing damage to it’s fragile contents.”
GS – “What’s in the box, anyhow?”
JS – “It’s a bone china ornament I bought for Jenny (his fiancee).”
GS (Suddenly feeling concerned) – “Bone china?”
JS – “Yes, why?….. Don’t tell me you’ve been using it as a football for the last two days!”
GS – “Of course not….. What sort of person do you take me for, Jonny?”
JS – “You’re the sort of person who’d do or say anything for a laugh…… Including using a box marked ‘FRAGILE’ as a football.”
GS (sheepishly) – “I’d never do anything that dumb……. Erm, hypothetically, should the bone china turn out damaged it’ll be more likely because I’d, say, inadvertently knocked it off the kitchen bench, than using the parcel as a football.”
