This Vale Of Tiers

As I wait at the literary starting blocks ever eager to type today’s blog, there’re rumours abound the UK government maybe planning to expand the current COVID tier system.

Whether this happens, or not, learning of potential restrictions to my liberty got me thinking about what further edicts could possible befall citizens residing within the proposed tier five areas of Britain.

With cases evidently still not diminishing under the current four tier system, it’s clear further tweaks or strategies are/were required to counter the carnage of this indiscriminate, spiteful pathogen. However, thoughts of the introduction of stricter tier protocols, particularly which civil liberties would get curbed, raced aimlessly through my neurological corridors.

For instance, under new rules, to help lower the coronavirus case curve will the populous be encouraged to wear full PPE, or perhaps chaste white jumpsuits sported by crime scene police teams? Will citizens be required to permanently remain in our residences; any essentials procured on our behalf by the growing number of triffids wandering our avenues and alleyways?

Could it be the case Joe and Josephine Public are only allowed out if protected in a Dalek casing. A move which’d provide more protection than a face mask against contracting the virus in Walmart. However, due to the bulkiness of its protective casing, an idea which’d surely cause mayhem within narrower aisled supermarkets…… That being said, witnessing CCTV footage of Dalek congestion in a local convenience store would be a wonderfully comedic landscape to behold.

If 1970’s chart toppers The Carpenters wrote songs these days, it wouldn’t be rainy days and Mondays which got siblings Richard and Karen down. I’d venture their lyrics would point out that every chuffing day under COVID’s watch ‘presses their buttons’.

Obviously, as Karen Carpenter passed under tragic circumstances in 1983, the adapted version is unlikely to see the light of day…… Even if it did, picking the refrain’s vinyl versions from Walmart racks would surely prove a task too far if/when purchasing the product encased within a Dalek suit.

Footnote – I’m unsure why I felt the need to add ‘under tragic circumstances’ when highlighting Karen Carpenter’s untimely demise. Even if she’d passed in an event that wasn’t tragic, the sentences key element isn’t the circumstances melancholy; moreover that she’s sadly no longer with us. Ergo, she wouldn’t be unable to contribute towards updating ‘Rainy Days & Mondays’ regardless…… Or, indeed, any other song.

Anyhow, back to which additional edicts the government could incorporate within tier five protocols. What can possibly be introduced to reduce the NHS’s manic workload and reduced COVID induced demise?

Perhaps encouraging the public that if they have to leave their homes they carry a six foot bamboo pole in front of them; ensuring social distancing rules are adhered to. This piece of wood also proving handy if they or their family ever felt moved to recreate Chitty Chitty Bang Bang‘s ‘Old Bamboo’ dance routine.

Care needs applying when in possession of the cane, though, as complacency could result in knocking products from Walmart shelves; not to mention damaging much loved mantelpiece ornaments. You have been warned.

When it comes to the edicts of each particular COVID area tier, in candour, I’ve little idea what is and isn’t allowed within each respective legislation. I play safe and merely stay here on my tod; or visit my 80 year old mum (whose in my bubble). Other than that my doorway is only opened to obtain essentials at a local store, or if a triffid knocks to inquire if there’s anything I need.

However, if stricter tier five protocols are introduced I’ll need to show a great deal more willingness towards acquainting myself with the new rules…… Especially if it manifests I’ve a requirement to source a Dalek.

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