Yesterday evening was Zoom quiz night with six buddies from Gateshead. Three hours with a prevailing landscape awash with an esprit raising amalgam of general knowledge enquiries, live acoustic music and whimsical banter.

Among the questions were rounds testing participants UK travel corridor awareness, 1970’s glam rock knowledge, movie familiarity and an innovate inquisition from my brother Ian based on the game Battleships.

Our kid’s round a game of jeopardy where, depending on the number you chose, a correct answer was ‘rewarded’ with or deducted points. A sort of snakes and ladders via the conduit of Zoom video.

Ian put lots of effort into his contribution to the evening, which entertained the chaps for numerous reasons. one of them being the seemingly random system used for recording of points. Our kid employing an algorithm every bit as confusing as that utilised to decide 2020’s GCSE grade results.

In hindsight, Ian’s round would’ve been better served coming at the beginning of the evening, prior to Mr Booze’s influence making a pretty complicated format even more challenging.

Consequential of embarking on this round ninety minutes into the clambake, through alcohol induced mayhem, confusion reigned. I’m pretty sure my final score should’ve been -1, but my younger sibling begged to differ, generously awarding me six points.

I wasn’t in isolation with receiving incorrect scores after Ian had totted up the final scores. The round ultimately won by TV chef Ainsley Harriet who, if he was part of this gravy, certainly didn’t make himself known.

Kudos to our kid, though, he put a lot of thought into the format, and I’m sure Ainsley’s chuffed at reigning victorious in a quiz he wasn’t aware he was partaking in.

My input into the proceeding was the usual absurd ‘True or False’ round which ordinarily concludes the brio filled evenings. Prior to reading the questions, please take time to read the following disclaimer from my Sunderland based solicitors Haddaway & Ballicks:-

“Answers to the questions posted below by Mr Strachan are fictional. Well, the ones that state they’re correct are anyhow. The catechisms are written for comedic value only and are scrutinised by us prior to publication. We deem our client to be a nutcase of the highest order, but judge him to be harmless. Mr Strachan’s ventures into the absurd aren’t odysseys we’d personally embark upon, but he pays us s**t load for doing f*** all so he gets a pass.”

  1. True or False – Despite painting himself as a horological Bertie Big Bollocks in his hit ‘Rock Around The Clock’, in real life Bill Haley couldn’t tell the time – True
  2. True or False – Crickit legend Geoff Boycott’s love of randomly filling his car boot with machetes, hacksaws, hunting knifes and back copies of Taxidermist Weekly led to him being interviewed during the hunt for the Yorkshire Ripper in 1980? – False
  3. True or False – Antiques Roadshow host Fiona Bruce collects 18th century banjos? – False
  4. True or False – Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards face needs a f***ing good iron? – True
  5. True or False – British singer Tony Christie wrote ‘Is This The Way to Amarillo’ after mislaying his Readers Digest atlas of America? – False
  6. True or False – Mass murderer Ted Bundy was misunderstood? – False
  7. True or False – Despite singing the Bacharach/David song ‘Do You Know The Way To San Jose?’ on scores of occasions, none of her audiences had the courtesy to let Dionne Warwick into the secret? – True
  8. True or False – Despite too many cooks spoiling the broth, all other recipes are apparently unaffected by kitchen overstaffing? – True
  9. True of False – When someone quotes the adage ‘It’s a riddle wrapped in an enigma’, it’s meaning is a riddle wrapped within an enigma? – True
  10. True or False – The Children Catcher in the movie ‘Chitty, Chitty, Bang, Bang found work as a children’s psychologist with Haringey council after losing his job during Baron Bomburst’s fall from grace? – False