A Perfect Dinner Party

I’ve just heard that, due to concerns about the prevailing rise in the UK’s coronavirus cases, from the 14th September social gatherings of more than six people will be banned in England….. Well that’s my plan to invite the seven dwarfs over for a dinner party down the drain!.

COVID robbing me of the opportunity to ask Grumpy “Why the long face?” (although that should perhaps be aimed at his animator), ascertain why Bashful displays such timidity, along with querying whether Doc is really a medic, and if so can he write me a prescription for valium.

Instead, I’ll probably invite the four horseman of the apocalypse to see what levels of verve they’re encountering from the global pandemic. The quartet (War, Famine, Pestle and Mortar) renowned for their good company at dinner parties….. Although, Famine’s strict gluten free diet always brings with it menu challenges.

Like many individuals, I’ve been asked if I could invite five people to my house for an evening meal, fine wine and a game of Trivial Pursuit, who’d make that list. An inquiry I found quite challenging. After all, most of my heroes are now deceased. A fact that, although cutting down on the food bill, would no doubt dampen the esprit of the evening.

If I’d been afforded the option of selecting a quintet of guests from history (dead or alive), I think I’d choose late comedian Les Dawson, John F Kennedy, late ex-Leeds United captain Billy Bremner, Woody Allen and finally Boris Johnson’s barber. The latter’s invite allowing me to ask if he cuts the PM’s hair while bouncing on a trampoline..

As a raconteur par excellence, I’d expect Stephen Fry to be splendid company, but he’s such a flaming know-all that it’d ruin the game of Trivial Pursuit! Hence, I’ve withheld his invite, instead selecting Bozza’s ‘stylist’ to tell him in no uncertain terms to buck up his ideas.

Should they all RSVP in the positive, what smorgasbord of culinary fare would I afford to my esteemed guests?…… One thing for sure, if I present a roast beef dinner, there’s no way Johnson’s barber’s carving!

As much as I like a roast food, unless I also made an alternative vegetarian option, it’d be prudent to avoid cooking the beef. This despite, after all this time without, JFK, Dawson and Bremner would die (excuse the pun) for a good old trough on beef, Yorkshire puddings, roast tatties and gravy.

Which leads to the question, who out of the six of us would prevail at Trivial Pursuit?…… Les Dawson was a very erudite man with an exceptionally wide vocabulary, but was he any good when it came to flaunting his general knowledge? Likewise for fellow comedian Woody Allen.

If Bremner’s intellect was along the lines of many professional footballers (past and present), the wee fella maybe struggle at reigning victorious at Triv. That being said, I could be doing one of my sporting heroes a huge disservice. His knowledge may’ve been as broad and accomplished as his footballing skillset….. If so, I apologise unreservedly Billy.

Was JFK an intellectual who’d get all six colours of Trivial Pursuit ‘pie’ in record time? Well if he got a geography question relating to the location of Cuba, the USSR, Vietnam or Laos, I’d like to think he’d at least be able to answer correctly.

How would Boris Johnson’s barber fare at Trivial Pursuit? Well, if he has the mental capacity of his famous customer, he’d have as much chance of winning as I have of inviting the seven dwarfs for a dinner party after 14th September….. Or, indeed, any other time!!

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