“Who wants to be a millionaire?….. I don’t
Have flashy flunkies everywhere?….. I don’t
Who wants the bother of a country estate?
A country estate is something I’d hate

Who wants to wallow in champagne?…..  I don’t
Who wants a supersonic plane?….. I don’t
Who wants a private landing field too?…..  I don’t
And I don’t ’cause all I want is you…..”

The opening two verses from a 1956 musical High Society refrain where Frank Sinatra and Celeste Holme, with tongue firmly pressed in cheek, proffer indifference at becoming superrich. Whimsically deeming their close relationship usurps any aspirations of material gain or wealth.


The reason I raise the subject of this jocular song is to make a convoluted link to last night participating in an online game of the TV quiz ‘Who Wants To Be A Millionaire’ with five buddies……. All six of us guys not sharing Frankie and Celeste’s reticence about becoming minted.

With my brother Ian, owner of the DVD providing increasingly difficult questions, portraying Chris Tarrant’s inquisitor role, the quintet of responders embarked upon a journey of general knowledge oneupmanship.

A sojourn initially derailed by our kid inadvertently asking questions to the first contestant, Jeff, from the children’s question section. Suspicions of the error becoming aroused when, for £32,000, Jeff was asked “Have you got a head – A) Yes; B) No; C) What’s it got to do with you; and D) Speak up I’ve not got ears….. Or indeed a head!”

When this series of inquisitions, driven by avarice, wine and flatulence so repugnant it manifested smog in competitors homes, commenced for real the competitive landscape upped a notch……. This a consequence of the inquisitorial pimp Ian telling his five answer bitches “I’m gonna up the competitive landscape a notch!”

Being sight bereft of the question screen and answer options, the five of us were relying on our kid’s integrity to give genuine questions as they were posed on the DVD. A situation I’m sceptical about, following Ian making it perfectly clear he didn’t want his older brother to prevail in the contest.

Call me over cynical, however my siblings enquiries of “Has Tim got an ice making function on his new fridge?“, “What does Mick’s charge as a taxi fare from Heworth to Swalwell? and “What’s Jeff’s favourite junction on the M6?” struck me as queries he’d just made up!……. I don’t like disrespecting Ian, but to me his actions seemed to raise questions he’d an agenda!

Don’t get me wrong, I love my brother unconditionally. He’s a man with many attributes I wished I’d inherited. Including possessing the cognitive wherewithal and class to complete a limerick with a first line of ‘There was a old man called Roger…” without including the word todger within the remaining prose.

From memory I think Tim, Jeff and I tied as winners.

Incidentally, if you own the ‘Who Wants To Be A Millionaire’ DVD quiz and you ever come across the questions:- “Has Tim got an ice making function on his new fridge?”, “What does Mick’s charge as a taxi fare from Heworth to Swalwell? and “What’s Jeff’s favourite junction on the M6?“, I’d appreciate it if you’d let me know.

Circumstance where I’d owe my brother a huge apology for doubting his integrity!