Gary Strachan – "Write" Said Fred

Off The Wall Essays From Deep Within A Capricious Mind

Wherever I Lay My Sowester (That’s My Home)

This morning, I’m afflicted by an ordinarily infrequent case of writers block. A rare creative imposter which I’m currently unable to vanquish, despite sitting in a White Rose Centre coffee house indulging in a spot of people watching. A pastime which ordinarily manifests ideas aplenty, but thus far hasn’t provided GJ Strachan with any noteworthy notions for a narrative topic.

The mall’s retail outlets bustling with members of the West Yorkshire populous who, as summer holidays peter towards their conclusion, undertake last minute purchases of school uniforms, stationery, kids shoes and ‘Thank God They’re Back To School Soon’ banners….. The latter product quite clearly fictional; however, looking at some of fraught-looking parents, if the product did exist then I’d venture sales figures would be through the roof.

The number of retail outlet visitors no doubt swollen by those seeking sanctuary from today’s torrential rain in the area. On scores of occasions yours truly’s trodden the corridors of this mall I’ve never witnessed an outlet peddling sowester hats. But given the unforgiving precipitation outside, if one did exist, I’d venture today’s sales figures would’ve been as astronomical as the ‘Thank God They’re Back To School Soon‘ banners.

Below the mezzanine where the coffee shop resides, are a group of volunteers undertaking a raft of fundraising activities for the British Heart Foundation. Amongst their stalls a hoopla, a test of strength game and a raffle.

From my distant perch, the first prize for the latter fundraiser looks like a Leeds United (LUFC) football shirt signed by the club’s playing staff. With LUFC flying high at the top of the league, hopefully a prize that’ll raise a princely sum for the heart health charity.

It’s a shame one of the other raffle prizes wasn’t a sowester hat signed by local weatherman Paul Hudson. A trinket that on this day would’ve surely proved to be an equally huge money-spinner.

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On my way out I’ll have to see if I can win the signed Leeds United shirt to add to my other sports memorabilia. Yours truly might even also take a punt on winning what looks like a boxing glove signed by world champion boxer Josh Warrington. I’m not overly bothered about boxing per sa, but I reckon if I win the Leeds-born pugilists glove I can wear it on my head to protect it from the teaming rain when I later walk towards my car.

The rain sounds as though it’s gaining in ferocity outside. Sitting below the glass dome, a main feature of the White Rose Shopping Centre’s architecture, it’s apparent the precipitation is heavier than earlier. The volume of the raindrop impact on the glass evidently raising a decibel or two.

I’m assuming the cacophonous drumming sound is a consequence of rainstorm, anyhow. Not that Michael Flatley and his Irish dance troupe are rehearsing a re-released Lord of the Dance production on the Leeds retail outlets rooftop….. Although with the clangorous nature of the overhead audio I wouldn’t rule it out.

Anyhow, I’m going to conclude this narrative at this juncture as I’m going to purchase raffle tickets from the British Heart Foundation volunteers before they shut up shop for the day…… If I don’t win the Josh Warrington boxing glove, can anyone lend me an umbrella?!

Right then, what can I write about today?!

 

Categories: Blogs, fiction, health/medical, humour, parody

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

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