Gary Strachan – "Write" Said Fred

Off The Wall Essays From Deep Within A Capricious Mind

It’s Only A Number!

Yesterday, after witnessing numerous recent examples of Faceapp’s predicted facial ageing of Facebook friends, intrigue got the better of me, moving me to download the app for myself.

Some many opine my act of seeking how kind the ageing process may (or may not be) to yours truly was one of vanity. However, I’d maintain a more accurate descriptive for my behaviour is intrigue. After all, wanting to see a predicted photo of yourself as a septuagenerian surely can’t be classed as behaving vain gloriously. Can it?!

Anyhow, regardless of whether my act was born from vanity or curiosity (or both), thanks to Faceapp I’m now in possession of a photograph showing how I may facially appear twenty years hence.

The original photo of me, which I amended on the new app, was taken two weeks ago as I was about to consume breakfast in a Hyde Park cafe, in London. My choice of inaugural meal on 6th July 2019 poached eggs, avocado smothered toast with a side of rocket and mushrooms.

The picture prior to edit showing me clad in a black Aberdeen** football club tracksuit top, impatiently waiting to defile the chaste poached eggs in front of me while my missus faffed around taking the shot on her phone.

** – Aberdeen FC are my Scottish team….. As an aside, I don’t follow any Welsh football teams, but if pressed my Cymru soccer beaus would be Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch (llan-vire-pooll-guin-gill-go-ger-u-queern-drob-ooll-llandus-ilio-gogo-goch) Academicals….. If only for to satisfy my curiosity as to how the heck they incorporate the club name into the shirt badge!!

66195987_10157481305732905_6823091806427676672_n

 

67574626_10157512566397905_5452864202391683072_n

The perils of marrying a lass from Birtley!!

Anyhow, that was the before picture. The same photograph, after Faceapp added two decades wear and tear to my visage, making me resemble old school mobster Feech La Manna from the HBO fictional drama The Sopranos.

As I wrote, apart from the forthcoming facial similarities and identical laundry regimes, Feech La Manna and me have little in common. For example, unlike La Manna, I’ve never served twenty years in the can for the murder of Joey ‘The Microwave’ Bevacqua****, or been indicted by the FBI for improper use of the word gabagool*****.

**** – Bevacqua, a hardened Hoboken felon, acquired the nickname ‘The Microwave’ due to his impatience at waiting for meals to be cooked in a conventional or fan-assisted oven. 

Feech a hard-fisted wise guy who has very little in common to me apart from a potential facial resemblance in twenty years time….. Oh, and the fact we both launder our tracksuit jackets with Ariel washing powder and Feargal Sharkey fabric softener***.

*** – Feargal Sharkey was frontman of 1970’s/80’s pop punk band The Undertones. He diversified into fabric softener manufacture after complaining no other brands  attained the level of clothing comfort he desired post wash.

One thing which struck me on first look at my projected facial features in 2040 was how much kinder the ageing process’d been to the poached eggs, avocado toast, rocket and mushrooms.

Categories: Blogs, family, fiction, humour

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.