Gary Strachan – "Write" Said Fred

Off The Wall Essays From Deep Within A Capricious Mind

Ten Things

Ordinarily yours truly doesn’t succumb to writers block. However, I’ve it on good authority if ever confronted by this literary nemesis, a useful remedy is disclosing facts about my existence away from the laptop keyboard to the discerning readership.

More specifically, provide readers with a greater insight into the author’s psyche by revealing ten personal details they’d previous not known. The objective to forge a stronger connection between both entities.

Obviously, some caution needs to be applied when deciding the personal information to convey your audience. For instance, disclosing you’re online banking security details and house alarm code is deemed bad practise.

Incidentally, it wasn’t strictly true when mentioning the advice was on good authority. The guidance posited by Frank Treehouse, the trolley guy at Tesco, who to my knowledge has never written a blog. And without wishing to sound overly disparaging, I’d venture he knows absolutely chuff all about blogging. Consequently, I took his advocacy with a pinch of salt…….. If he’d have provided me with tips on the frequent denting of parked cars with wantonly reckless trolley collecting, I’d have been more inclined to listen.

That being said, Frank Treehouse’s advocacy came to mind earlier when bereft of a creative epiphany. A time when my usually fertile creative notions were conspicuous by their absence; this an occasion any seemingly worthwhile ideas evaded my grasp.

That paucity of essay topic concepts, leading to me deciding to enlighten you with ten facts you’re unlikely to know about GJ Strachan. Hopefully these little known details will help enhance our writer/reader bond, or at the very least make you want to buy me bottles of wine…… If I’ve to choose between one the two, my wine of preference is Cabernet Sauvignon.

Anyhow, here are ten things you don’t know about me:-

1) My daughter has a friend called Teapot.

2) He isn’t really a teapot. It’s a nickname.

3) My wife hasn’t got any friends with nicknames of kitchen appliances.

4) Unless you count an old friend in County Durham nicknamed Microwave.

5) I’ve never been to Wales.

6) Or Moldova.

7) At high school I was voted the person most likely to have a daughter with a friend called Teapot. (See fact 1).

8) Little Jimmy Osmond taught my dog the piano.

9) I need one more stamp on my voucher to get a free McDonalds coffee.

10) In an ironic twist, Teapot likes coffee more than he does tea.

Hopefully those little minuets have been informative, giving you a supplemental insight into the owner/author of writesaidfred.org……. Come back! Come back! I’ve not finished yet!!teapotUnfortunately, living such a ‘full on’ existence, there were many interesting details I was unable to include in the list above. With only room to incorporate my most interesting existential verities, there wasn’t an opportunity to inform you of my favourite movie, how I like my steak cooked, music choice preferences and where I was when JFK was assassinated in November 1963.

Also omitted from the ten facts, my wife’s strange affliction prohibiting her from correctly pronouncing the name of US singer John Legend. She conveys his moniker as John Legen; for some reason unable to verbally suffix the surname with the letter ‘d’. This phenomenon made even stranger by the fact she is able to pronounce legend correctly if it’s not prefixed with the word John!

Exposure to my innermost secrets above may shock a few readers. It certainly did my wife, who’d claimed to have no recollection of a friend in County Durham called Microwave. To be honest, as I made that up  that wasn’t much of a shock……. However, it was a surprise when, after mischievously advising her  “You know, it was that lass with black hair from Penshaw who lights up in the dark.”, she responded “Oh yeah. I know who you mean now!”…… Bizarre!

Hopefully, on finding out my inner most secrets our author/reader bond has been further cemented…… And that Mrs Cheesecake from 18 Arcadia Close, Hampstead Estate, Dudley, no longer feels the need to stalk me by hiding in my fridge!!

Categories: Blogs, family, fiction, humour, parody

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