Parental Guidance – The author wishes to make it clear this parody prose contains naughty words that rhyme with duck, frastard and frollocks……. Well maybe not frollocks………

Baa Baa Black Sheep
Have you any tuck
No sir, no sir, have I f***
Adapted rhyme of wayward member of brood.

The Grand Old Duke of York
He had 10,000 men
He didn’t know what to get them for Christmas
So he bought them all a pen.

Jack & Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
The pair returned with bucket full
And nine months hence a daughter.

Doctor Foster went to Gloucester
In a shower of rain
He stepped in a puddle right up to his middle
The clumsy short-sighted bastard.

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe
She had so many children
She didn’t know what to do
Apart from claim shitloads of Child Benefits.

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider, who sat down beside her
So hated them so clobbered it with her spoon.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the king’s horse and all the king’s men
Danced on Humpty’s remnants, getting a ten from Len.