Oysters & Whisky

Included within my email inbox, today I spotted an invitation to a virtual whisky and oyster tasting session.

Ordinarily, I don’t pay much mind to the well-meaning electronic teasers aimed at improving my existential lot in recompense for lightening my wallet of a few bob. Transactions I’m assured which’d not only provide me with life-enhancing goods and/or services, but also the warm feeling consequential from contributing towards buoying up an under pressure UK economy.

That being said, for some reason I found something appealing about potential involvement in a whisky and oyster tasting session. Yours truly saying ‘for some reason’ as a) following a hangover from hell after drinking malt liquor (in my 20’s), I don’t drink whisky; and b) I’ve never felt moved to consume oysters. The latter a food which’s always appeared too similar to the consistency of a giant booger to sell the gig.

However, in retirement I’m attempting to broaden my horizons. After all, the whiskies included within this virtual tasting session are three different types of single malts, not some crappy mixture of grains like the distillation which rendered me bed bound for nearly two days over thirty years ago.

My son Jonathon is a big fan of single malt whiskies and oft regales his old man with the pleasure derived from sensibly imbibing a good quality scotch. Perhaps it’s time I joined this distillery party to see what all the fuss of sampling a dram or two is about.

Admittedly, the thought of consuming oysters bears significantly less appeal than quaffing a wee dram. However, despite being pretty sure I’d gag during the act of swallowing molluscs, I’m still tempted to sign up for this tasting session. If only to make a more informed judgement in the future when asked to opine about eating oysters.

Not, it has to be said, my opinion on the consumption of Ostreoideas is sought on a regular basis. In fact I’d suggest that during my half century plus of strolling this vale of tears no-one has ever inquired what I thought of the delicacy’s taste. It is, though, handy to have all the facts to hand should such a query manifest.

You never know, yours truly may enjoy this shell food. After all, when I wore a younger mans clothes, I vowed I’d never eat snails. A pledge I broke during 2011 Mediterranean cruise when consuming a plate of gastropods cooked in a garlic sauce – A dish which imparted a great deal more brio to the meal than I expected.

Surely the experience of oyster consumption will mirror that of snails. It’s just getting over barriers borne by the texture of each delicacy which needs overcoming. After all, what’s the worst that could happen?

Well, apart from contracting severe food poisoning, leading to sleeping on a toilet bowl for three days!…… Or inadvertently swallowing the oyster shell and choking to death!…… Or being run over by a bus after recklessly eating my molluscs in the middle of Bradford Road!…… Or becoming the victim of a ferret attack mid mouthful!

Okay, okay, there’s s**t loads of things which could go wrong!….. Perhaps it’s best I stick to boring old English cuisine!!