Below is the intentionally absurd ‘True or False’ round written and performed by yours truly as part of yesterday evening’s Xmas Zoom quiz with the chaps. My festive queries very much tongue in cheek; please note anything attributed as true (in bold) very much isn’t:-
1) True or False – Last year, after my brother Ian asked for Christmas gifts of CD’s by Spandau Ballet and a former X-Factor singer, along with a Mary Shelley book, on 25th December I presented him with Gold, Frankenstein and Olly Murs. – In the words of Spandau Ballet “This much is True”
2) – True or False – When Chris Rea was driving home for Christmas he was 3 times over the drink/driving limit? False – His chauffeur Bert Wheezer was the one who was three sheets to the wind
3) – True or False – Bing Crosby was telling porkies when, in the eponymous movie, claiming he was dreaming of a white Christmas? – True – His night visions were ordinarily filled with thoughts of Rosemary Clooney’s busters
4) – True or False – Due to 95% of the movie being miserable news for George Bailey, he’d have been well within his rights to proffer the movie ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’ was somewhat of a misnomer? – True
5) – True or False – Apart from rescuing bruised fruit which’d spilled from greengrocer barrows, legendary ukulele player George Formby loved nothing more than building festive snowmen? – True
6) – True or False – In the 1980’s the Queens speech was once penned for Her Majesty by Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown? – False. It was her Golden Jubilee in which Roy waxed lyrical.
7) – True or False – Home Alone star MacCauley Culkin is often asked to speak at Group 4 Security’s Christmas Party? – True.
8) – True or False – Late singer/songwriter Prince’s receipt of Christmas presents diminished markedly after his name change. This a consequence of his buddies being unable to fit ‘The Artist Formerly Known As Prince’ on the gift tags? – True. Hence his return to his original moniker.
9) – True or False – No one called Carol has ever written a traditional Christmas carol? – True
10) – True or False – 1980’s singer/songwriter, and part-time creosote manufacturer, Terence Trent Darby’s biggest regret was not writing and recording a Christmas song. False – His biggest regret was not letting his dog Chris sing backing vocals on his hit ‘If You Let Me Stay’.
11) True or False – Due to an over dependence on mulled wine, Rudolph the reindeers nose was actually more purple than red? – True.
12) – True or False – Turkeys became the UK’s go to Christmas Day meat after it was deemed they were easier to slaughter than geese, who’re incredible aggressive if you approach them with an axe – True.
13) – True or False – Despite Bob Geldof and Midge Ure’s indications to the contrary, Ethiopians do know when it’s Christmas? – True
14) – True or False – Maverick actor and part-time Premier Inn hotel resident, Lenny Henry hates turkey for Christmas dinner. Although evidently approves of it in his comedy routines? False – A well-meaning fella, old Leonard’s gags always leave his audience begging for more! …… Although, that might be more sedatives.
15) – True or False – When professional Yorkshire lady and singer Jane McDonald’s sings of the Holy Trinity in Christmas carols she’s referring to curmudgeonly ‘Last of the Summer Wine’ characters Compo, Foggy and Clegg? – False – It’s her childhood role models Norah Batty, Thora Hird and Beryl Reid.
16) – True or False – Santa Claus is afflicted with a speech impediment which means he refers to his most famous reindeer as ‘Wudolph the wed nosed weindeer’? – True
17) – True or False – When singing East 17’s Christmas hit ‘Stay Another Day’, lead singer Brian Harvey became the first artist to perform a festive refrain with his cap on backwards? False – He was unable to sport his preferred cap position because it was under his coat hood. Consequently, having no choice but to wear it with the peak at the front.
18) – True or False – Late hell raising actor Oliver Reed spent much of his Christmas Day with a shandy, constructing jigsaws and belching cacophonously. True
19) – True or False – For superstition purposes, 1970’s Coventry City footballer Ernie Hunt would always wear the football boots Santa had brought him in next day’s Boxing Day game? False – Ernie liked be break his new boots in during training sessions prior to wearing them on match days.
20) – True or False – Although a broad minded lass, North Yorkshire vet James Herriot’s wife insisted on carving the Christmas turkey if her hubby had been delivering calves on Xmas morning. True.