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Has COVID Killed The Selfie Star?!

It goes without saying, COVID-19 has resulted in innumerable changes to our existences since the global community sauntered aimlessly into 2020.

The premature loss of loved ones, livelihoods severely impacted, children’s educations disrupted, and shortages of tissue to wipe ones posterior, just a few of the unwelcome imposters humanity’s faced since the year’s dawning.

As a friend of mine recently observed with moving poetic eloquence, “This is some big, big s**t we’re living through, Gary!” ……. This buddy bears renown amongst cohorts for not mincing his words. As an aside, though, through his trade as a butcher, he does mince beef, lamb and pork.

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Less serious collateral damage manifesting from COVID-19’s wrath is difficulty at capturing selfies has upped a notch, or two. When endeavouring to capture all of the main protagonists, coronavirus induced social distancing necessitating greater snapshot skills and body malleability.

The new found arduousness of this activity, which’s now very much part of the zeitgeist, no doubt incurring the chagrin of many. I myself, an attention-seeker of some aplomb, have only captured three phone selfies in the last three months. These uninspiring photographs highlighting how my hair is behaving in lockdown.

Capturing a scene bearing even the remotest chance of being worthy for social media posting as challenging a remit as locating a vaccine for the prevailing pathogen.

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Ray Allan and Lord Charles

Social distancing meaning, say, while meandering the aisles of Tescos you bump into ventriloquist Ray Allan and his puppet Lord Charles, obtaining photographic evidence of this encounter for onward social media posting would prove tremendously difficult. Allan’s and his lordship’s distance from me no doubt making the shot appear cold and impersonal.

Actually, as Ray Allan has been dead for ten years and Lord Charles is probably now riddled with woodworm, this meeting, outside of the spiritual, is impossible!….. Apologies, that was a lousy example!

OK, say, while meandering the aisles of Tescos you bump into ventriloquist Keith Harris and his puppet Orville, for the reasons I allude to above, obtaining photographic evidence of this encounter would likely prove troublesome.

Bloody hell, I’ve just googled Keith Harris’ age, only to learn he died five years ago……. If Bob Carolgees has also snuffed it, my utilisation of a ventriloquist as an example its utterly shafted!

So, here goes, hopefully third time lucky!……. Say, while meandering the aisles of Tescos, from a compliant distance, you bump into ventriloquist Bob Carolgees and his puppet Spit the Dog, obtaining photographic evidence of this encounter would provide a tremendous challenge.

I’ve just learned, courtesy of those clever s***es at Wikipedia, Bob is indeed still with us! Thank god for that!!……Perhaps, for the narrative’s completeness, I should check Spit the Dog is still in decent nick!…… Naaah, it’ll be reet!

To be honest, even if social distancing wasn’t part of our new behavioural landscape, I’d venture there’s currently nowhere to visit that’d bestow it’s patron the merest semblance of brio.

I’d state with a fair degree of confidence captured images of meandering among supermarket and garden centre aisles, or picking up a Big Mac from a drive-thru, aren’t highly sought after life mementoes.

In refrain, Buggles posited that video killed the radio star. Is there case for stating, under prevailing lifestyle conditions, COVID-19 has killed the selfie star?!

Categories: Blogs fiction health/medical humour

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Gary Strachan

2 kids who've flown the nest, 1 wife whose flown with Jet2. Born at a young age in 1960's Leeds, the author became interested in the literary life when his wife bought him a dog. Having an allergy to dogs, he swapped it for a typewriter. Being unable to train the typewriter to retrieve tennis balls, he reluctantly turned to writing...... Website - www.writesaidfred.org

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