Today, I woke to witness a strange phenomenon not experienced within the half century my navigating of this mercurial voyage with appellation ‘ageing process’. Undoubtably an unremarkable sight; nevertheless, what I witnessed upon reveille fascinated me for at least ……oooooh…. three minutes and thirty two seconds.

This waking captivation borne from spotting, amongst the Tracey Eminesque bedroom floor detritus which ordinarily greets a prising of my eyelids, the flattened organ of a vascular plant.

This solitary tree leaf laying upon an unobstructed segment of carpet, adjacent to floor-based bed throws, discarded clothes I’d adorned yesterday, along with clean laundry awaiting its return into my bedside drawers.

Admittedly, awaking to the sight of a tree stems lateral appendage is barely in the same shock category of saying waking up to find a herd of wildebeest in your bedroom, a Brighouse & Rastrick Brass Band rehearsal, or indeed my bedroom carpet being unobstructed with clothes.

However, I’ve felt moved to make reference in prose of this sighting, which led to today’s early moments being briefly spent utterly intrigued. This resultant from being at a loss at, despite my bedroom window being closed all night, this leaf had successfully journeyed from an outside tree into my unkempt bed chamber.

It has to be said, overnight meteorological gods bequeathed the populace of West Yorkshire a ‘gift’ of unforgiving gale force winds. They weren’t, though, gales of such magnitude they’d a capability of blowing this leaf through courses of brickwork, breeze block, wall insulation and plasterboard.

Despite yours truly possessing many knowledge voids relating to scientific edicts, I’d suggest with a fair degree of confidence that particular event wouldn’t be methodically possible in the material world without prior destruction of the buildings structure.

Facts begging the question, how the heck then did this detached foliage find it’s way, not only through chez Strachan’s front door threshold, but make its way up a flight of steps, turn left into my bedroom and take it’s place floor bound in front of my wardrobe, amongst a multitude of clothing of varying cleanliness?

My initial thought was that the leaf had been carried into my East Ardsley abode, and subsequently my bedroom on the soul of my shoe. It perhaps being collateral damage of the dreadful storms affixed to the footwear in my driveway as I climbed out of my car at around 9.15pm, after my return from choir rehearsal.

This notion swiftly dismissed on realisation I’d taken my shoes off on yesterday evening’s entry back into this Wakefield/Leeds borders residential edifice. The leaf enigma no nearer being unravelled; a premature fall manifesting in my bed chamber not a serious event, just baffling!

This afternoon I spent a couple of hours undertaking voluntary work at a local supermarket. Watching the throngs of people wandering past me with scores of toilet rolls in their trolleys, along with the sight of ever emptying tissue paper shelves, I couldn’t help but feel it might be worthwhile adding to my leaf collection…… After all, the way things are going with bog roll supplies, soon I’m gonna need the tree foliage to wipe my arse!!

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