Through the Needles Eye

During a recent gym class, I made the acquaintance of an individual who introduced himself as “Hello, I’m Rich!“….. Although delivered with a smile and warm handshake, his greeting set my mind wondering whether he was informing me his name, or alluding to his current serendipity vis-a-vis bank balance.

Consequently, I was unsure whether to respond “Hi, I’m Gary!… Nice to meet you!”, or “Hi, I’ve been in better shape financially!“….. Bearing this uncertainty in mind, I erred on the side of caution, plumping for the former.

If, in the unlikely event he was gloating about his prosperity, I mooted it’d be an eccentric and utterly classless method of greeting a stranger. A habit that hopefully wouldn’t catch on with other members of the public……. After all, nobody likes a boaster!

That’s of course if the greeter was gloating about their wealth. If stating current financial wherewithal did become a recognised method of introduction we’d no doubt be also greeted by individuals from the other end of the affluence spectrum. Potentially, leading to new acquaintances proffering the following on first meeting:-

“Hi, I’m a bit skint….. I’ve just paid for my bloody car’s camshaft to be replaced!”,

“Hello, I’m currently having to use my pre-arranged overdraft!”,

“Greetings, can you lend me a fiver until payday?!” or

“Hiya, I’ve not got a pot to p*** in!”


Of course, that greeting strategy won’t be employed anytime soon by Joe or Josephine Public. No matter how much candour certain individuals display, they’re unlikely to utilise that as an opening conversational gambit….. Unless they’re a beggar, or maybe the Duke of Sussex now he’s chosen to become financially independent….. Only kidding, Hazza!

Footnote – Incidentally, if anybody does introduce themselves to you as Joe or Josephine Public I suspect they’re utilising an alias. As such, be vigilant as to their intentions….. Likewise if they bear the monikers John/Jane Doe, or are members of the UK parliament.

Like many life events/circumstances, there are people who’ll think nothing of relaying their current monetary wherewithal, especially when bragging they’ve got a few bob, or looking for a cash injection during harder fiscal times. However, ordinarily it isn’t the first subject that’ll raise its ugly head during inaugural rendezvous.

When it comes to personal finances I endeavour to be pragmatic. Deeming that fundamentally we’re members of the animal kingdom who only need food, water, shelter and security from predators to survive; I’m in now way motivated by aspirations of wealth.

I drive a ten year old car, and the home whose mortgage I finance isn’t vast or ostentatiously decorated or furnished.

In fact, I earn significantly less than I did at one point in my capricious existence. Circumstances dictated through my lack of motivation at that time, along with recurring depressive disorder which rendered my capabilities almost impotent.

However, as it stands, I’m able to pay my bills, acquisition of shelter and eat; consequently, I deem myself as blessed.

Rather than great wealth, I’d rather my legacy one day manifest from my penmanship; clearly, if I get the opportunity to be well paid for that then I’d obviously not turn that down. However I’d rather my obituary speak of a man who’d entertained, informed, provoked thought, along with emotionally moving readers with his writing.

Being in a financial situation whereby I could introduce myself as “Hello, I’m Rich!” carries little motivational force for yours truly. My aspirations are to one day be able to greet someone with “Hello, I’m Gary!…… I wrote the best-selling book Hercule Flange***” and they’d have heard of it!

*** – Other book titles are available….. Incidentally, there currently isn’t a book titled Hercule Flange (I think), but as I love the label I’m resolved to addressing that!

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