Gary Strachan – "Write" Said Fred

Off The Wall Essays From Deep Within A Capricious Mind

Saying It With Song

Today sees the Gregorian calendar baton passing seamlessly from April to May. A change taking followers of Pope Gregory XIII’s 16th century almanac into its fifth monthly epoch of 2019.

What will May bring its attending guests and more importantly what’s the dress code? Hopefully not raincoats, wind cheaters and kaleidoscopically coloured leg warmers like the month just departed.

April was a month of mixed emotions for yours truly. On the positive side my spirits were high upon the return home of my daughter Rachel after two years in Canada, along with a pleasant day of birthday celebrations last Thursday. However, it was a birthday I nearly didn’t see after being hospitalised with gastric haemorrhaging earlier in the month.

Thankfully, as we move into May I’m still kicking and breathing following that health scare; as my dear old mother keeps reminding me “All’s well that ends well, Gary!”

Her philosophical adage borrowed from the Shakespearian play about one-directional love, infatuation, subterfuge and the obsessor eventually snaring those they obsess over. The above one of the Bard’s plays written not long after the introduction of the Gregorian calendar. A tale that bears many parallels to my courting days, with the exception that Shakey doesn’t refer to the recurring issue of restraining orders in his essay.

This morning I was asked by my wife Karen what goals/aspirations I bore for the month of May. After being told that eating two cheesecakes a day for 31 days couldn’t be classed as a goal or aspiration I informed her:-

“I’d like to build the world a home
And furnish it with love
Grow apple trees and honey bees
And snow white turtle doves
I’d like to teach the world to sing
In perfect harmony
I’d like to hold it in my arms
And keep it company
I’d like to see the world for once
All standing hand in hand
And hear them echo through the hills
For peace through out the land
(That’s the song I hear)”

 

Say-It-With-A-Song

My tongue-in-cheek response antagonising Karen into a terse response of “They’re lyrics from a New Seekers song!…. Can’t you ever be serious?!”

Apologising to the missus for my mischief, and promising to be sensible from now on, I went on to posit;-

“If you’re having girl problems I feel bad for you son
I got ninety nine problems but a bitch ain’t one
I got the rap patrol on the gat patrol
Foes that want ta make sure my casket’s closed
Rap critics that say he’s “Money Cash Hoes”
I’m from the hood, stupid? What type of facts are those?”

My further lack of seriousness leading to my spouse admonishing me with “They’re not aspirations!….. They’re rap lyrics by Jay-Z, you idiot!”

“I know, sorry for arsing around!…. I’m only doing it as I’ve not set myself any goals for May, Karen….. I’m a man who thrives on spontaneity not the structured boundaries inflicted by micro-organisation.” I argued contritely in my defence.

“Well perhaps you need to set yourself monthly objectives to bring more order to your life!” the missus rebuked further.

At this juncture I conceded Karen’s notion maybe something that may help fight my current lack of life fulfilment. Consequently asking her “What goals and aspirations have you set yourself for May, love?”

After a brief pause she responded:-

“I’m gonna wash that man right outa my hair,
I’m gonna wash that man right outa my hair,
I’m gonna wash that man right outa my hair,
And send him on his way…..”

 

Categories: Blogs, depression, family, humour, parody

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