Once There Was A Way…..

Yesterday, the seemingly endless late spring rain relented for long enough to allow yours truly to experience the verve resultant from cooking alfresco. Not to mention, enjoying an hour or so of even tide fresh air where I languished in front of a wood burning chiminea with vino in hand and bluetooth speaker playing The Beatles Abbey Road album.

Consequently, late afternoon/early evening afforded me a pleasant atmos while awaiting dusk’s calming hand on my shoulder. Additionally, I’ve spent today with the Fab Four’s following lyrics from their Golden Slumbers/Carry That Weight/The End suite swirling around my neurological corridors……. In particular, the first atmospheric verse, chorus and string arrangements from Golden Slumbers (below):-

Once there was a way to get back homeward
Once there was a way to get back home
Sleep pretty darling, do not cry
And I will sing a lullaby.

Golden slumbers fill your eyes
Smiles await you when you rise
Sleep pretty darling, do not cry
And I will sing a lullaby.

Anyhow, I digress…… Today’s creative input from me an intentionally absurd ‘True or False’ set of inquiries. These clearly fictional questions/answers written for an online quiz session, which in the end I couldn’t partake in due to being otherwise engaged.

Disclaimer – Every single catechism you’re about to read (if you’ve not already given up the ghost on this hooey) is a fib on the grandest scale…… Well that I’m aware of, anyhow!:-


True or False

  1. True or False – Boris Johnson’s younger sibling Jo thinks the Prime Minister is a bit of a twat? True
  2. True or False – The Great Wall of China takeaway in Hetton-le-Hole, County Durham, can been seen from the Moon? False. It’s the 12,000 mile construction in east Asia which’s visible from the Earth’s satellite.
  3. True or False – Grantham’s tallest woman Mavis Green saves a fortune in scaffolding costs when decorating the outside of her Lincolnshire home? False. Her short arse husband Archie undertakes all residential DIY tasks.
  4. True or False – Despite inferences to the contrary, hospital matrons aren’t the harridans they’re painted in Carry On movies. True. There are several who’re nothing like Hattie Jacques, in looks or behaviour.
  5. True or False – Marjorie Tattle, a housewife from Dudley, is such an accomplished knitter that instead of penning letters of complaint to the BBC TV show ‘Points of View’ she knits her diatribes?.True
  6. True or False – Townsfolk from the South Yorkshire town of Barnsley are restricted by local council edicts from pronouncing the letter H at the beginning of a word. False. In fact the town coat of arms proudly proclaims “In Hertfordshire, Hereford and Hamsted, et spiritus procellarum quad vix Ventura.” Which translates to “In Hertfordshire, Hereford and Hampstead, hurricanes hardly ever happen.
  7. True or False – In an amazing coincidence, actor/singer Shane Ritchie’s last three watches have run out of battery at 11.32? False – It was 7.47 that the trinity of timepieces carked it
  8. True or False – During her early 20’s, EastEnders actress Bonnie Langford dated an actor called Edward Flugelhorn? True
  9. True or False – When situations end sadly as a consequence of someone’s actions, I’d submit it proves the adage ‘The end justifies the means’ isn’t flawed on some level True
  10. True or False – Coronation Street’s theme tune composer Erst While originally wrote the iconic tune at his local park while blowing on a taut blade of grass secured between his thumbs. False. He wasn’t called Erst While either.
  11. True or False – During the filming of 1968 sci-fi movie Barbarella, actress Jane Fonda had an outer body experience during which her spirit was interviewed by The Carson Show host, Johnny Carson? True
  12. True or False – When crippled with flatulence in the company of other people, movie director Blake Edwards would command his kids to shuffle their feet in a bid to mask his farting noises? False. He demanded they cough when a trump was imminent.
  13. True or False – Despite claims to the contrary in refrain, legendary singer Gene Pitney was never 24 hours travel time from Tulsa? True
  14. True or False – It’s unlikely that Lord Lucan, who went missing in 1974 after the suspicious death of his kids nanny, is still alive. False, He’s sat opposite me in the coffee house where I’m writing this nonsense…….. Oh ok, I admit it, the bloke opposite is unlikely to be Lucan…… Mind you, he is sporting a tache similar to the missing aristocrat.
  15. True or False – Like her brother Jo, Boris Johnson’s sister Rachel also thinks the Prime Minister is a bit of a twat? True

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