What Would Terry Thomas Say?

I spend an hour or so yesterday evening attempting to develop a new idea for next weeks online quiz night with the lads. Endeavouring to move away from my usual ‘True or False’ rounds, at least in the short term, I’m working on a round format titled ‘What Would Terry Thomas Say?

Although slightly less absurd set of questions than my normal old ‘T or F’ inquiry set up, these examinations of how the 1950s/60s character actor would react when confronted by certain scenarios remain fictional.

Whether I can mould this epiphany into a form attaining the entertainment levels I’m seeking remains to be seen. However, this ideas more diluted topical scope sets me with more of a challenge; taking GJ Strachan kicking and screaming from a quiz question comfort zone of yore. Which, at times, is a healthy option for a creative writer to embrace.

As it currently lays in a germinating format, each question will present participants with a multiple choice answer. From that they idea is to select which fictional response I predict TT would muster when faced by this scenario. For instance, thoughts of potential question thus far journey along the lines of:-

What Would Terry Thomas Say?

  1. A pigeon defecates on Terry’s head whilst driving, roof down, to the local tennis club in his Plymouth Convertible. Does he say:-

a) “I say!” b) “Those darned pigeons are bounders!’ c) Bollocks, I thought the roof was still up!”


2. After getting his cigarette holder stem wedged in between the trademark gap in his front teeth. Does Terence exclaim:-

a) “By jove!” b) “Blasted karma never gives us cads a break!” c) “To the dentist post haste, Watkins (his butler) ,before I swallow this blighted holder!”


3. TT’s beloved beau Beatrix ladders an expensive pair of stocking on the boat seat they’d hired to punt down the River Ely. Does he say:-

a) “Those seat spells are bounders!” b) “Your upper thighs are majestic my dear!” c) “Poor form, Beatrix…. I prefer my amours to be more demure than flashing their front bottoms on a first punt!”


4. During an England/Australia Test match in the 1950’s, after being refused access to the Taverners Long Room at Lords cricket ground for wearing lederhosen, Terry felt moved to tersely posit:-

a) “But I’m a member you officious oaf!” b) “Let me and my muckers in, you cannot ruin Browne Jr’s stag do with your blinking intransigence!” c) “We promise not to sing Ted Dexter’s barmy army if you grant my chums access!”


5. Receiving admonishment from the Chalfont St Giles vicar Hugo Mucks after he admitted having carnal knowledge of organist Mavis Clacton, Tez argued vehemently that:-

a) “I didn’t inhale, so it doesn’t count!”……. b) “I’m sorry reverend but I’m a weak man when in the company of a scarlet woman and her worldly wiles.’…….. c) “Satan, behind me!”


I’ve yet to decide which multiple choice answer from the five questions will be fictionally touted as correct. But that’s the easy part. The harder task is to get the catechisms to an entertainment/whimsy level where it achieves the level of quiz time esprit yours truly seeks.

Whether I build on and present this newly created format, with it’s PG Wodehouse type vocabulary, will depend on how I can shape the questions to a point were I’m 100% happy with the end product. If I can and it is favourably embraced by the quiz guys, I’ll probably introduce a different celebrity on each inquisitorial evening going forward.

If I can’t get the epiphany to a juncture where I’m relatively confident it’ll add to the jamboree’s verve, it’ll be back to the old drawing board……. God only knows where my new drawing board is, by jove!!

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