Going Viral

It’s been interesting, but kinda expected, to witness the rise in musical performances on social media during COVID lockdown. Whether via karaoke, or Tik Tok clips, it appears the public are making ever more concerted efforts to go viral whilst they avoid getting viral.

Yours truly doesn’t watch all ‘party pieces’ that drop onto my various timelines. However, those I have witnessed exhibit there’s talented amateur singers/musicians residing on these sceptred isles. It’s just a shame none of these accomplished individuals appear on X-Factor, as opposed to the local talent contest quality who oft grace our wintertide Saturday evening TV screens.


Talking of X-Factor, while witnessing these performances, if I was a multi-millionaire, arrogant and self-satisfied, I’d get just a small idea of what it must be like being Simon Cowell.

After all, I’m also being asked to raise this artists profile further by sharing evidence of their talent amongst my social media friends/followers. Their well-intentioned motives to keep that snowball rolling until fame arrives; bringing with it untold wealth, baths in champagne, an OK magazine shoot and a goose that lays Faberge eggs.

Incidentally, my accusations of Cowell being arrogant and self-satisfied are made with tongue firmly pressed into cheek. After all, on days of misguided mania I could also be indicted for similar distasteful behavioural crimes.

Unlike old Sizzers, though, I definitely can’t be accused of being a multi-millionaire!….. Not that it’s a crime, more an achievement!…… Well, if earned legally and with integrity it is!…… What the bloody hell am I rabbiting on about!!…… Moving on, swiftly!!

Although wild horses couldn’t drag me to watch any of Cowell’s shows, I’m chuffed for anyone who comes nowhere and achieves longterm success with their god given talent. From a personal point of view, though, the ones who achieve decades long success aren’t ordinarily unknown individuals spewed unceremoniously via the conduit of reality TV.

Of course, Simon Cowell knows significantly more about the music business than me, and this genre of TV hasn’t been broadcast long enough to judge true longevity of an X-Factor contestant’s star…….  But on the flip side I know who played in goal for Leeds United in the 1975 European Cup Final, which Simon doesn’t. So stick that in your pipe and smoke it Sizzers!!

Oh, hold on a sec, one of Cowell’s representatives has just emailed to report “Simon’s fully aware that David Stewart was the Leeds goalkeeper during that fateful match for the West Yorkshire club. You’re gonna have to do better than that Strachan!!”

Oh, bollocks!!

Ok then, yours truly may not know anywhere near as much as Simon Cowell about the music industry. However, I do know the meal I chose at a Ciudedela harbour side restaurant on the first night of a Menorcan vacation in August 1999. Something that Cowell doesn’t!

One second, the same representative has just emailed me to say “Simon knows on the inaugural evening on that Balearic isle vacation you dined on a meal of pork loin steak, selected seasonal veg and a Madeira jus!”

Bear with me a minute while I respond to that email with “Ok then, clever s***e!…. I bet Simon doesn’t know I’d salted sea bass, sauteed potatoes, petit pois on the fourth night of that holiday!”

Stick with me, she responded immediately with “No he didn’t, Strachan!….. But, he does now!!”


One second, I’m now telling Simon Cowell’s rep on email “Has the tight t-shirted one not got anything better to do than pry into my private life?!….. I feel violated!”

Hold on she’s responded already “No, not with all his shows on hold due to COVID!…… He’s spent many long hours in lockdown learning about you and your unreliable memoirs!….. Now get on with finishing your blog, he’s set me further research tasks relating to your part in the Watergate Scandal….. I’ve no time to argue with idiots like you!”

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