Mysophobic Meanderings

Mainly through my ignorance, along with a paucity of previous existential exposure to canine company, until a few months ago I wasn’t a fan of having my face licked by a dog……. Or, if truth be told, any other part of my anatomy for that matter!

This then indifference borne from hygiene questions raised from frequently witnessing pooches licking their own genitals. Not to mention a not unreasonable aversion (or so I thought) to having my visage feel like PVA glue had been brushed over my cheeks, jaw and ears.

Akin to mysophobic unease I’d experience consequential of accepting an iced bun baked by a 3 year-old child, my Howard Hughesesque germophobia led to an aversion to being drooled on by a dog. An affliction that at times diminished my enjoyment of canine company.

Dog Whisperer Barbara Woodhouse – “I said sit!…. Not s**t!!”

Being a child of the 1970’s who bore witness to TV shows fronted by elderly dog lover/trainer Barbara Woodhouse (BW), I’d concluded that dog’s licking your face can’t assist when attempting to combat the skins ageing process……. Unless, of course, Barbara really was 158 years old!***.

*** – I realise infering BW’s was aged 158 summers when presenting TV shows is quite specific submission. However, I’d suggest opining someone doesn’t look a day over 158, is less cruel than submitting “The old bag looked as though she’d been dug up prior to recording each programme…… There you go – Contradictory to popular opinion, there is a sensitive side to GJ Strachan…… Well, maybe!!

With a slight hint of irony, the lotion yours truly actually does utilise for daily cleansing of my visage is a product called Bull Dog Face Wash (BDFW). To clarify, Bull Dog is the brand name of this soap infused lotion. A cosmetic scientifically created to provide consumers with a post clean redolence of aloe, camomile and green tea.

This fresh fragrance an infinitely more agreeable aroma than Lab/Retriever Coco’s slobber – She my highly affectionate canine buddy with whom I’ve just spent an idyllic few days in the rural environ of North Yorkshire.

Saying that, BDFW is nowhere near as affectionately delivered as my furry pal’s giddily applied saliva…… Nevertheless, I’d be first to admit Coco’s drool is an ‘acquired’ fragrance; a scent which leads me to posit my sandy maned canine chum’s moniker wasn’t inspired by Coco Chanel.

To be honest, though, with not been party to Bull Dog face wash’s ingredients, the product I regularly purchase to douche my face may well be bottled bulldog slobber….. Although I’d strongly argue it’s highly unlikely that breed of hound possesses a saliva gland that secretes the trinity of agreeable odours boldly advertised on the packaging.

If you’ve experienced being ‘kissed’ by a bulldog, however, and it does result in your mush emanating a redolent amalgam of aloe, camomile and green tea, please feel free to enlighten me with this unexpected revelation.


Anyhow, these days with germophobia abating, along with acquiring a genuine love of canines built from the loyalty and affection they’ve bestowed upon me in recent months, I’m now unmoved if I become recipient of a hound licking my face….. This relinquishing of my mysophobia meaning not only do I exhibit a more open, less fraught persona, but my specs have never been so clean!!

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