Gary Strachan – "Write" Said Fred

Off The Wall Essays From Deep Within A Capricious Mind

Better Late Than……

As a consequence of this morning’s three hours voluntary work, lunch with a family member and undertaking a weekly food shop, today’s blog has been somewhat delayed.

It’s just gone 4pm on Thursday 10th January 2019 and this is the first opportunity I’ve had to open up my laptop. My trusty sidekick who accompanies me through numerous whimsical hours a week, my wingman, my buddy and (on it’s more latent days) a target of my frustrated rants.

In fact, so frequently is the Lenovo Yoga device in my company last week mam quipped to my wife “It’s like a third penis!” A baffling statement from mater who, as she used to change my nappies, must’ve realised I didn’t have two hamptons at birth. Like it’s owner, that particular organ was born in isolation.

Now firmly entrenched in middle-age, the one I do have is only utilised for peeing and picking my weekly lottery numbers. Subsequently, I’ve no requirement to own a trinity of male genitals.

Seeking lucky numbers in the manner a divining rod locates water, this method of selection has been fruitless of late. Consequently thoughts are abound of seeking a less idiosyncratic form of lottery game participation – In particular one that leads to fewer arrests for indecent exposure.

See the source image

Anyhow, enough of that silliness. I’m on penning the blog now, meaning in an hour or so I’ll hopefully have concluded my 1354th daily website publication. Writesaidfred.org’s latest bestowal to it’s discerning readership.

My loyal fans who misguidedly expect to be entertained, or at the very least not pay for this nonsense. I can promise the latter, but unfortunately not the former…… To be honest, if I could guarantee the former, I potentially wouldn’t promise the latter.

Despite rarely being asked to pick friends lottery numbers these days, those very same people ordinarily feedback positively about my literary offerings they’ve read.

“I like some more than others.”, “At least you’ve stopped putting an exclamation mark at the end of every bloody sentence!” and “Did you watch that drama ‘Manhunt’ last night, Gary?” just a few of the glowing reviews my penmanship has attracted in the last week.

A few years back I could only dream about spending thousands of hours writing for absolutely no recompense whatsoever. As you can see my dreams back then were as rubbish as my real-life is now.

I’m only kidding. I love the fact I’ve had the opportunity to spend time following a genuine dream; paid or not. The last few years haven’t been the best moments of my life, but at least this writing outlet has provided some respite from the darker stuff.

And I should know as my wife Karen told me it has! If you’ve any issues with my spouse’s firm opinion can you please take it up with her. You’ll find her in the dungeon of chez Strachan sharpening the guillotine blade; in parallel to use the rack to stretch the truth.

To conclude this narrative I just wanted to relay an incident that occurred this morning when Karen attempted to close her recently deceased mam’s supermarket loyalty card account.

This conversation taking place after my wife rang a customer call centre supporting the product. She was greeted by an affable chap who sympathised with her for her loss. Followed by the exchange of account details, along with Karen expressing her wish to change the account into just her dad’s name.

The customer service rep responsively agreed to carry out Karen’s wishes, however advised prior to undertaking this he needed to speak with her mam, confirming she was happy with the actions!!!…….. Does anyone know a good Medium with a sound understanding of retail law?!

Categories: Blogs, family, fiction, humour

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