January 2nd – The posteriors of the missus and yours truly currently occupy two waiting room chairs within a Leeds oncology unit. Bearing in mind recent festive period over-indulgences, I’m a tad surprised my ever burgeoning butt only requires one seat.
However, one seat is suffice to provide a comfortable perch whilst I endeavour populating the chaste white page on my laptop. Today’s literary objective the provision of a narrative that’s at worst entertaining, and at best a little bit more entertaining.
My expectations of the lexilogical output quality is admittedly low. However, I’ve factored in penning this effort while balancing on my head, subsequently increasing the difficulty level of the writing process……. Incidentally, don’t attempt this at home kids; unless you’ve a hankering for a splitting headache or being reacquainted with your last meal!
Actually, bear with me I’m gonna sit upright as I’m starting to feel nauseous, not to mention attracting disapproving looks from medical staff. Additionally, I’ve lost £7.63 in coinage down the back of this chair. The consequence of gravity induced despatch from my chino pockets, akin to a jackpot spewing from a slot machine.
What sort of idiot sits writing a blog in a public place while balancing on his head I hear you cry?!……. And if you didn’t you should have!
Quite obviously, I’m not sitting allowing the blood to rush to my head while penning this inanity. That particular element of GJ Strachan’s whimsical utterings introduced using the artistic licence necessary when barren of epiphanies.
There are many reasons I wouldn’t sit balancing on my head in public (or at home coming to think of it). Amongst them the fact it’d attract unwanted attention, along with it’s negative health implications***. Additionally, I’d be loathed to haemorrage £7.63 in coinage down the back of this armchair.
*** – There are reasons humans evolved into walking upright as opposed to advancing on their heads. One of them being progressing across terra firma is considerably more effective on foot than courtesy of earlobe/eyelid propulsion.
Due to a brief delay in the availability in her monthly medication, my wife Karen and I have relocated to a cafe within the oncology unit. With red hot Americano coffee in hand, I’ve just thought of another extremely good reason to avoid selecting upside down as my ‘go to’ seating position.
No doubt some will question my sanity at the decision to pen around 500 words surrounding an act that if it occurred may get me sectioned. It’s not without justification that my sister Helen, the brains of the family, oft comments about her bewilderment at my thought processes.
Off course I know countenancing sitting on one’s head in public would be a ludicruous notion in real life. Judging from the paucity of people who undertake the act, a widely held view amongst my peers.
However, look at the creatively successful individuals who if deterred about adverse reaction to off the wall epiphanies wouldn’t have produced highly their acclaimed work.
I not deluded enough to class myself amongst them as writers. However, regardless of whether you reside on the literary plateau of the Premiership, or the lowly Frank the Butcher West Riding League, the same bloody-minded dismissal of your detractors is essential to thrive at your art.
During three decades of partaking in club cricket as a batsman my objective was to hit boundaries. As a writer there’s times I strive to push a different type of boundary. Occasions when I put my head above the parapet, penning more idiosyncratic and fanciful notions than the more mainstream offerings.
I just hope I’ve more success pushing boundaries than I did at hitting the bloody things!