I’m penning today’s narrative whilst consuming large quantities of left over candy from Halloween. Thankfully this year we bought in sweets the family liked, meaning if there was any confectionery unclaimed by trick or treaters it wouldn’t be wasted, as it was in 2015. 

Last year we bought boiled sweet lollipops as Halloween treats for our costume clad visitors. At the end of All Hallows’ Eve, there were several stick laden sweets left, which due to family indifference sat in a kitchen dish for weeks afterwards.

The Chupa Chups ‘lollies’ looked a forlorn sight as they lay abandoned in their crockery abode on the kitchen worktop. Ostracised not just by the Strachan family, but also the jarred spices, pasta and an old wooden spoon that doesn’t get much attention either.

Unappreciated by the three residents of chez Strachan, they grew older and ever stickier together, all the while anxiously pondering what would be their eventual fate.

Would it be in the silver kitchen bin in the corner and a subsequent end at the local land fill site? Or would a kindly visitor to the domain take pity and consume its ever more viscous cremosa sweet?

Let me add that the Chupa Chups are the lollipop of choice for millions in 150 countries. It’s just, like the tabloid TV show ‘X-Factor’, I personally don’t understand why they’re so popular……. What do I know, though, I thought the bikini line was a route on the London Underground!……. I didn’t, by the way! I added that to lighten a unnecessarily confrontational paragraph.

I’m not sure what happened to the lollipops in the end. I suspect Karen put them in a gift bag and gave them as a Christmas present to an unwitting child who, no doubt, will now unappreciatively have them in a bowl in their own kitchen.

This year, Karen and I took a far more prudent approach to avoid such wanton confectionery waste, purchasing multi packs of mini Cadbury chocolate bars. This shrewd move means there is no danger of the Curly Wurley, Crunchie or Fudge bars ending up as a Christmas present for a family friend……. Or indeed at the Stourton landfill.

My daughter Rachel and I have already made light work of these chocolate delicacies. If truth be told I’m not a great fan of Fudge bars, however I’m more inclined to eat them than Chupa Chups lollipops.

I don’t generally have a sweet tooth, but a month of alcohol abstention has rendered my palate more amenable to sugar infused food than normal. Ordinarily, I prefer savoury snacks like crisps, nuts and pasties to Crunchies, Curley Wurley’s and Edd the Duck sherbet.

Admittedly, I do occasionally top up with gummy bears and liquorice Pontefract Cakes when I’m writing, however other than that my sugar intake is normally not too excessive.

Of course, I’m conscious that there are the obvious pros and cons of a middle aged man treating himself to too much confectionery. On the plus side it can provide a much needed energy boost.

However, on the negative side, there are the incumbent health risks of excessive sugar intake, such as potential exposure to diabetes, teeth rot and the possibility of being labelled a fat get……. Although, from your 40’s onwards , the last one is a risk from many other sources other than too much sucrose.

Anyway, to close, I just wanted to make you aware that if you are on our Christmas present list you can relax. This year you won’t be the recipient of a handful of old lollipops in a bag adorned by a reindeer and a bearded fat bloke (Santa Claus, not me).