From today face masks are compulsory under certain scenarios for the English populace. The circumstances where us Brits are required to wear visage coverings including whilst shop in situ, on public transport, or if you’ve a ‘boat race’ like ex-England footballer Peter Beardsley.

The move aimed at mitigating against spread of coronavirus, along with negating against kids having to hide behind the settee should old Bearders make an unexpected appearance on the gogglebox.

The author of this new law deeming the wearing of face masks to be particularly effective at stopping asymptomatic carriers spreading the pathogen.

Well, as long as you wear them over the mouth and nose, not your eyes, which’d be wantonly reckless, especially if driving at the time. After all, you’d have to be a complete idiot to drive if doubts lay about your eyesight.

Footnote – I’m not party to this new rules author’s name, however I’d like to think it’s a top scientist. Not the owner, or marketing manager, of Mickey’s Mask Manufacturers, Clapham.

I’ve not specifically read this, but I’m also assuming these new face coverage rules refer to compulsory wearing of surgical type masks – Not the likes of a Jason Voorhees hockey mask or a  Lone Ranger eye adornment. The latter examples quite clearly not fit for purpose when it comes to virus containment……. Well, unless it’s possible to scare the s**t out of coronavirus!

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A Jason Voorhees Mask – Not fit for purpose for virus containment…… Well, unless it’s possible to scare the s**t outta COVID-19

As I’m still more or less existing as prior to the initial lockdown restrictions easing, I envisage the only time I’ll have recourse to don face coverings are during comestible procurement sojourns to a local store, or indeed any food outlet.

I reveal this, not in grand judgement of those who’re more reckless with COVID precautions, moreover to explain my self-preservation strategy as I wander this pathogen riddled world……. As Groucho Marx once proffered “Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them…… well, I have others!”

GJ Strachan hasn’t adorned a face mask yet, however, I’m reliably informed by those who have that wearing one in association with specs results in the lenses steaming up. With this in mind, it maybe prudent not to wear a mask when at the wheel, performing a tightrope walk, or while attempting to navigate my way around a lego strewn living room carpet…… Mercifully, though, I’ve much requirement to pursue the latter two acts.

Incidentally, within the last minute or so, I’ve tested the steaming up theory to find when exhaling my gigs do indeed render the lens with condensation. I best add avoid wearing a mask while penning narratives to my list of don’t does under these new edicts.

Writing blind would no doubt make my readership think I’d started penning the pieces in the Welsh language. Consequently, rendering these pearls of literary whimsy as worthless, incomprehensible, unreadable tat…….. What do you mean, how would that differ from my English narratives?!……. Cheeky get!