Raising The Rafters

Yesterday evening, the lockdown entertainment landscape took a spike similar to that recently seen with Florida’s COVID cases. Catalyst to this upturn in verve the participation in a bi-weekly Zoom quiz evening with buddies.

These fortnightly inquisitions, in which rounds of questions are interspersed with live acoustic music courtesy of two of our number, affording attendees an evening of brio.

To borrow partly from the opening credit lyrics of 1970’s concert party comedy ‘It Ain’t Half Hot, Mum‘, these three hours or so providing:-

“…..music and laughter to help us on our way. Raising the rafters with a hey, hey, hey. There’s songs, sketches, and jokes old and new, with us about you won’t feel blue……..”

During these events, my contribution is generally a round of absurd inquiries on a variety of topics. Yesterday evening seeing me serve up a series of ludicrous ‘True or False’ catechisms on the subject of sport.

Please be aware, that although probably taken as read, none of the questions whimsically labelled as true are indeed factual. They’re as false as…… well, the one’s I’ve tagged as false.

In a nutshell, deeming a ‘False or False’ round as insipid entertainment, yours truly basically lies, and contestants have to guess on what side of the coin that untruth falls.

Before posting, I apologise if any of the brisker language contained within offends the reader.


True or False

  1. Former Scottish Lightweight World Champion Jim Watt’s real name is Iam Watt. He changed it after late boxing commentator Harry Carpenter pointed out and anagram of his original name was ‘I’m a twat’? – True
  2. No-one has ever told ex-GB shot-putter Geoff Capes he was a fat b*st*rd to his face? –  True
  3. The only time you’ll see British tennis player Andy Murray smile is when it’s p***ing it down with rain? – False
  4. During a tour of India in the 1970’s, on the first delivery of the game, England fast bowler didn’t deliver the ball on completion of his run up. As a consequence of a dodgy stomach he carried on running to the dressing room toilets? – True
  5. When ex-England footballer Stuart Pearce says the word “Sunink” he really means ‘something’? – True
  6. As a young boy, boxer Tyson Fury longed to be singer David Gray? – False
  7. Golfer Nick Faldo once bet Welshman Ian Woosnam £1,000 that he wouldn’t be able to spell Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch – False
  8. Legendary tennis player Roger Federer collects Ainsley fine bone china? – True
  9. Former footballer Terry Butcher thought former Wackaday presenter Timmy Mallett was an absolute arsehole? – True
  10. Curmudgeonly ex-England cricketer Geoff Boycott not only calls the sport he excelled in “Crickit”, but has also spells it with an ‘i’ between k and t, instead of a ‘e’. – False
  11. Golfers can also be afflicted by tennis elbow? – True
  12. Ex-Millwall hardman Terry Horlock’s chauffeur never passed his driving test? – True
  13. Ex-Millwall hardman Terry Horlock’s chauffeur is serving a 8 year sentence in Wormwood Scrubs for manslaughter, after inadvertently reversing over Horlock’s aunt Maude? – False
  14. There’s nothing former boxer Barry McGuigan enjoys than a quiet night in with a mug of cocoa and a James Herriot book? – False
  15. England football captain Harry Kane’s online Aldi shop was this week delivered without the Pot Noodles he’d ordered – True


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