Gary Strachan – "Write" Said Fred

Off The Wall Essays From Deep Within A Capricious Mind

Fifteen Minutes?…. I Only Got Two, Warhol!

Unless they introduce a ‘Best Performance Stood In A Green T-Shirt With A Collection Bucket in M&S’ category, it’s an event that’s unlikely to secure me a BAFTA nomination. Nevertheless, I thought I’d make you, my discerning reader, aware that brief clips of an interview I did with a ‘Made in Leeds’ TV reporter are currently being sporadically shown on the local Freeview channel.

My fleeting TV debut featured in a piece about Leeds M&S’s fund raising efforts for MacMillan Cancer Support during Friday’s World’s Biggest Coffee Morning event.

Although predominantly a feature on various activities M&S staff undertook to swell the charities coffers during September, my viewpoint as a MacMillan volunteer was also sought by the local TV crew.

Before I proceed, I’d like to clarify my fifteen two minutes of fame won’t change me. Apart from starting autograph signing sessions and introducing a range of Gary Strachan merchandising (such as fridge magnets and tea towels), I’ll remain the same chap I was prior to securing ‘celebrity status – Seeking to maintain my behavioural traits of capricious moods, aloofness and ingrained cynicism.

fleeting

It was the first time I’ve appeared on TV, unless Crimewatch photo-fits count***. My interview professionally undertaken, with a warning from the interviewer that product placement wouldn’t be allowed during the piece. A dictum that led to me disenchantedly removing of a can of M&S tomato soup that I’d been precariously balancing atop my head.

*** That was a fib, incidentally, I’ve never featured on the crime re-enactment/appeal show Crimewatch…. Although I did once have a tie pin similar to one worn by ex-presenter Nick Ross during an episode in the 1990’s.

Being an interview virgin, I’d no idea how difficult it would be to resist looking directly into the camera. The recording equipment placed a mere foot from my visage.

While responding to reporter’s questions, it was necessary to make a conscious effort to look anywhere but at the camera. Consequently, at times my panoramic head movements were akin to a tennis spectator viewing a game court side…… Thankfully, though, through the magic of editing my owl necking was masked from the viewing public.

In yesterday’s narrative Coffee Morning Munificence, there’s more detail about Friday’s three hours in situ of, what my mum calls, the hallowed halls of Marks & Spencer (M&S)

My mater (Maggie) holding the M&S brand with such reverence she attends one of their multinational ‘churches’ every Saturday morning. Upbeat visits where, with her birthday/Christmas vouchers burning a hole in her pocket, she’ll tread the hallowed aisles seeking potential purchases.

Also endeavouring not to be ejected for off key versions of the refrain ‘Morning Has Broken’ or a Snoop Dogg rap, her visit always concludes by taking a pew in the cafe for a latte and a free mini shortbread.

Maggie can’t always decide on the clothing to buy from the doyen of her retail haunts. However, she’ll never leave without purchases from the M&S food hall. A smorgasbord, offering a wealth of consumables she can’t resist.

The video clip I allude to earlier is featured below:-

Categories: Blogs, fiction, humour, Spoof News Stories

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  1. Annus Mixed Fortunesius – Gary Strachan – "Write" Said Fred

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